Tonight Trey felt the urge to drink some wine. Fair enough, and we also have plenty here, since he got a ton of it from work once. We have been using it for decoration, so it's nice to kinda use it for a change for what's it's meant for. Julia joined him in his consumption, and together, we all watched The Forty Year Old Virgin, which is a funny as all getup movie.

Anyway, Trey has this pump thing he also got from work that you can pump the air out of your wine bottle with when you're done. That way, it lasts longer or something like that (I'm not a wine person, so I really don't know). It even has a handy little rubber cork stopper thingy. It's pretty neat.

However, I learned an important lesson tonight, and I want to pass it on to you. Well, to be more precise, Trey learned the lesson:

Never, and I mean NEVER, take said wine pump thingy and put it on your cheek while drinking, then proceed to pump it onto your face. Trey is now aware that, when you do said action, you get this:



Well, you can't say you weren't warned now, right?

Have a great day! I'll see you soon!

I started a new job today. I now work at "The Hut" w/Julia a few days a week, delivering pizza. I love delivering pizza. It's fun. I enjoyed my first day, and didn't do too badly for the few hours of work I put in. I was thrilled when I went on one delivery to two different houses, and made $9. Not too shabby, if you ask me.

Of course, I've also already figured out that one shift manager, hopefully the only one, doesn't much care for me. She seemed to turn her nose up whenever I spoke to her. I hear that she's not exactly the most liked person anyway, so I don't feel so bad. She did piss me off, though, when she sent me on a delivery, and then right behind me, she sent a guy to the street right next to where I was going. It was quite a ways away from the store as it was, but I didn't see the point at all of sending two people all the way out there at the same damn time. Like, literally, his car was right behind mine in traffic the entire way there. He turned one way, I turned the other, and we both went about 500 ft. to our deliveries. Stupid. I would have rathered just let him have both of them and saved myself the gas!

Anyway, I think it will be fun working there. My shirt, of course, is HUGE, so I'll have room to grow into it. I wouldn't care if it didn't have enough room under my arms for me to put a child under each arm. Maybe instead of finding them babysitters, I'll just put them there from now on! Oh, and I have a sexy black hat that just really adds to the whole hotness of it all. However, I think the uniform element that tops it all off is the apron they gave me that goes down to my knees, thus making me look like I have no legs! Hot, oh yeah. I'm just glad Trey wasn't home when I got off work, or he would have jumped my bones!

I hope you all are having a great day, and I look forward to telling you even more exciting stories from work tomorrow!

I feel a little bit like Mel Gibson in Braveheart right now. You know, how he screams "FREEDOM!" at the end. Yeah, sure, so he was doing it b/c he had a passion to save his people from tyranny and all that. So maybe I'm just screaming it b/c my kids are gone for a couple of days...but still...the feeling's pretty much the same. I just wish I looked as good as Mel Gibson...you know, in a woman kinda way...

So if you didn't get my drift, Trey took the cheerin' off to his parent's house for a couple of days. I have to work all day tomorrow at my new job, and he, in his attempt to make my life easier (sweet Trey), found a way to get someone to watch them all day, and keep them happy (b/c what kid wouldn't be happy with a doting, candy-feeding Nana who's at their beck and call?). Good deal. Plus, I get to sleep in for TWO DAYS (I slept in today...it was gooooooooodddddddd)! I am a lucky woman! I thought maybe I'd just sit at home today after I finished work and hang out by myself for a while. Maybe watch some tv or something...However, instead I've spent the day wasting time with my mom (whose house I'm at right now), which is even more fun. I also figured I'd go hang out with a friend or something...but the more I think about it, the more it seems like work to get off of my fat butt...so maybe later...

While I'm on the subject of my fat butt, guess whose birthday it is today (which has nothing to do with my butt at all)...BO's. Bo is my stepdad, whom I probably don't talk about on here enough (in only good terms, of course). He's awesome. A little weird, which I have no room to talk about, but a very cool guy. He really helps us out, too, which I so very totally appreciate and wish I could repay, and admire. I mean, after all, the guy kinda took on two kids that aren't even his own, and has been a better dad in the nine years he's been w/my mom than my dad ever was. Oh, and in case I haven't mentioned this...he turns 31 today. So, he's also in my generation, just three years older, and still a fantastic dad. If it didn't feel so strange to call him 'Dad', I totally would. The kids, of course, have no problem calling him 'Bo-Bo', which means "Best Grandad in the world!".

Anyway, as I was saying:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BO !!!!!

Have a great day. I'll see you soon!

Before I get to the good news, I want to give you a public service warning from our sponsors (me):

NEVER, I mean, NEVER go to Chuck-E-Cheese on a Saturday night!!!

I won't go into details, but let's just say that if you don't want to be pissed off the whole time and miserable, then you would be wise to avoid that stupid place then. I'm guessing a Friday night would be just as bad. I have, however, been in the afternoon during the week, and on a Tuesday night during the school year, and it was actually quite nice.

Now, on to the great news...

The winner of my first Blog contest is....roll, roll, roll...CARRIE! (Gee, I'm so surprised!) Oh, Carrie, are you gasping right this very second in complete delight and wonderment!? I sure hope so!

Carrie won the contest with her suggestion of the name Cole. My baby's name will officially be

I have an idea. I'm going to have a contest. Yes, that's right, a contest.

Trey and I can not agree on a middle name for the baby-to-come. I am set on the first name Braxton, and that will not change. Trey has no say there. However, every single middle name I bring up he vetoes, which is what Trey likes to do most. He never brings anything to the table, just says no to everything there. So, I leave it up to you, my loyal readers. This is the time for you to come out of lurking and leave me a comment or two. While you're at it, add some ideas for what the prize should be, too. I plan to have one, I just don't know what is something you'd be willing to work for to win. Something that won't break the bank, preferrably, but something cool nonetheless.

Okay, so fill in the blank:

Braxton _________________ Pitchford

Trey will be home Monday, so we'll probably look at them on Tuesday. Comment away. I want you to win, I really, really do.

Christi :)

Quote of the day (while lying naked in the bathtub): "Look, Mommy. My toodlewhop looks like a passy!" Ummm, okay. One, we don't even call it a passy, it's a PLUG in this house! Two, you are wayyyyy too young to be thinking about your toodlewhop as something that people want to suck on--especially not to get them to shut up! He went on to mention that it only looked like a passy for a girl (?????), so I suppose that's good in a "maybe he won't turn out gay after all" kinda way...I guess...

So, now that I'm pretty sure TJ's straight, I have Taryn to worry about. Of late, she is quite interested in figuring out how to put on her own clothes and shoes. Good. Maybe she won't be like TJ, who's nearing four, and still has no interest in learning...ever. There's only one real problem with this newfound love of hers...She only wants to wear her brother's clothes! The other day, she came walking into the room with just a pair of TJ's underwear over her diaper on. When I inquired to Trey how they managed to shimmy their way onto her, he said she was trying desperately to put them on herself, and he just helped her speed up the process. I have to say, though, it was extremely cute. Then, yesterday, TJ took off his shorts he had been wearing and threw them on the floor. Taryn took that to mean they were now free game, and proceeded to try to put them on herself. Again, Trey helped expedite the process for her. I must say, with her little t-shirt, she looked quite cool...and a little punkish. It brought a little tear of joy to my eye...


This morning, she went straight for TJ's swimmy underwear, but later wanted to wear his regular underwear. I didn't argue one bit, and put them right on her. She wore them all day, right under her little orange dress. She seems to feel quite cool in them. She is so determined to be just like her big brother. You should have seen her at the playground today. She goes down the slide all by herself, and climbs the climbing wall as if it were nothing. A guy there was shocked when she fell while trying to climg it, and instead of busting out crying and running to me, just went back and tried again. I tell you, the girl is tough! Oh, her mamma's so proud!


Even her boyfriend, Andrew, knows a cool chick when he sees one!

and I totally approve of them dating...although it is a bit on the strange side at this age!

I hope you all have a great day, and I'll see you soon!

I am one freckly-assed mo-fo! We went to the beach today, and man, do I have a lot of freckles showing now! I just can't get over how my freckles all come out when I get in the sun. I was showing my mom my chest today, and how you can see where the bathing suit ends, b/c it's all freckly, then...nothing but pure white pastiness. As much as I am not fond of freckles, I can't help but be completely in love with the little freckles that are showing up more and more on TJ's nose each day. They are SOOOOO ADORABLE!

So what really, REALLY made my freckles show was going to the beach today. It was both TJ and Taryn's first time in the water. We'd taken TJ to Myrtle beach before, but he really only just put his tiny little feet in and run out. Once they were used to it, they had fun. Julia said Taryn was laughing (although would not allow herself to be put down on her own at all) after a while, and TJ didn't want to leave once Trey taught him how to sorta boogey board. Alison and Andrew, according to Julia, were much more outgoing than usual as well, and I'm pretty sure it was b/c they had other influences around today. Julia and Trey both tried to teach me how to boogey board, and well, I decided that it was much more fun just to ride the bumps and not have to drag myself back out to the deeper water everytime a wave came in. I much preferred just picking on Julia and Trey as they rode to the shore, then had to climb back out for the next wave. It was pretty cool. Mind you, it was far too dirty for my tastes, but I sucked it up for the sake of fun. Oh, and I even had fake turkey for lunch! Now tell me I'm not adventurous!

To top off our fun day, TJ added a bit of drama. I went to tutor after we got home, and while I was gone, TJ started puking and feeling sick. Trey put him in a cool bath, and shortly afterwards he passed out. He's been asleep now since about 7:30 or so, and even though we have nothing to worry about (we're both pretty sure he's just beyond exhausted from today), Trey and I are still worried. My hope is that the reason he puked is b/c he drank too much ocean, but Julia brought up that it could have been sun poisoning. He has no sunburn, so I do hope it's not that. I guess now only time will tell...

Well, I suppose I shall see you later. I hope you all have a great day.

PS-Check out Julia's blog for more on this breaking story...and more pics!

Okay, I am in a mental breakdown phase today. It all started when I gave Taryn her sippy cup with milk in it this morning. I saw her walk away with it, and not two minutes later, after only being in the room next to me, it was gone. By gone, I don't mean not with her, I mean GONE! I have searched the house from top to bottom at least ten times, EVERYWHERE. There is NOTHING. I looked, and looked, and looked, and it was nowhere to be found. I prolonged putting her down for her nap b/c I wanted her to have her milk first, but I finally gave up and just had to skip the milk (that was the very last of it I had). I know she didn't go upstairs, as she can't get herself down, but I even checked the playroom about fifteen times, then even went up there and cleaned it up this afternoon in the hopes of finding something! I have searched every nook and cranny in this house I can find, and the cup is gone into oblivion. All I want to do now is clean the whole house in the hopes of finding it...but really, let's not get too crazy here! I did, however, come dangerously close to tears when searching earlier. TJ would not stop talking to me about nothing, and it got to the point where I just wanted to scream "SHUT THE F*%# UP!!!" at him. Really, I know it's a little much, but dammit, where the hell is the cup!?

Yeah, I haven't found it yet, and I'm still pissed off about it. Stupid cup.

I hope your day is going better than mine so far. Talk to you later.

Okay, does anyone know when the major hormonal point in a pregnancy is? I should know by now, but really, I have no idea. I'm thinking it must be now. Lately, my emotions are willy-zonked times 1000! I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I do know that I am VERY EASILY pissed off by the smallest stuff lately. I cry and get overly emotional at very non-me stuff, like a dance on tv, which I am still, even at this very moment, getting choked up about two days later. I'm either demotivated enough to not even want to roll over in bed, much less get out, or I'm ready to run to the point that I never want to sit down or stop, and I get pissed if I have to (this is much more rare, as I'm usually much more pissed that I have to do anything at all). I've come to notice that my happy moods are fewer and more far between, and they're really just not all that great. They are usually brought on by Taryn laughing or TJ being a goofball, but are short-lived, as I now bore of it all w/in a few minutes. It's just all very upsetting.

I have figured out that you must think of certain things at certain times during pregnancy. Case in point, Carrie is due three days after me. The other day I wrote about boobs, and I kid you not, w/o even knowing what I wrote, she also wrote about boobs that same day, hers of course! Our topics were the same, w/some differences in the paths there, but overall on the same note. I've noticed lately that she's writing a lot about the way I feel, and her days even seem to be going the way mine are. I thought I remembered this being the time in pregnancy when you glow and feel like you're on top of the world. My only "glow" to speak of is a sunburn, which hasn't even lived up to its promises (you know, daily pain and peeling and total redness...no, it's just fading away, leaving behind all my freckles!)! So undoubtedly it must have something to do with this point in pregnancy, I hope.

I dunno, I'm just tired of the only thing I feel passionate about lately is being pissed at people. I usually sleep on something, and by the next day I wonder why I was even slightly upset. Now, I sleep on it, and when I wake up I'm mad and even more angry. I just don't get it. Perhaps I need an outlet. Hmmm....Perhaps I just need to get this baby out of me! Who knows...Well, better yet, who knows?

Today I was driving home from my mom's house, as usual, and found a station that I believe suits me just fine. It's 98.1, or 98X or something like that. It's a heavy metal, hard rock station, and so far I've liked every song I've heard on there...even "Jet City Woman" by Queensryche from so long ago! Happy day for me, b/c 96 WAVE gets a bit old sometimes. Oh, but where I was going with this was that I was rocking it out to a very cool song on the radio, pretending to be Lava Girl (TJ is Shark Boy, and Taryn is Max) and shooting Mr. Electric with my hot lava shooting hands, and making some small attempt at watching the road, and started to think about what I dream to look like one day. I really, really, REALLY want a motorcycle. A cool, chromey, specialized purple paint job cruiser. I want to cruise the roads with the wind in my helmet (yes, safety first...and no bugs in my eyes!), and look cool doing it. To add to my cool look, what I really want is tattoos. Not just the three I have now, but LOTS and LOTS of them. I long for more. I want to be covered from neck to toe in tattoos. I know this is a little much, and I will never be there, but I would at least like to have a lot of them. I have so much room just being wasted on my skin that could be devoted to beautiful pics of stuff...like scary clowns, and lizards, and more skulls, and cute little devils with my kids' names on them, and you know, stuff like that. I just think it'd be sooo pretty. Yeah, fine, you don't have to remind me how warped my mind is...


So is anyone watching So You Think You Can Dance? I watched it last night, and Ivan and Ashley danced and did this contemporary piece. I, personally, am not a big fan of contemporary. It always seems quite cheesy to me. However, what they did last night choked me up and gave me goosebumps, even when they showed a clip of it tonight. I feel so strange, b/c I was just soooo moved by it. They were supposed to be in love in the dance, and by-George, they convinced me they were totally in love. They even made the judge cry! It was hot and lusty, and man, did I want to be the girl dancing with Ivan right then! I have to go now, as a matter of fact, and finish watching my DVR'd copy of tonight's show to find out who's leaving!

Hope you have a great day, and I'll see you soon!

I'm going to talk about boobs today. Soooo, if you have a problem hearing about prego boobs, then as you read, you may think, "Oh, I have such a problem reading all about Christi's boobs."

Okay, so God has discovered that my chest can be quite entertaining for Him, and everyone else, especially little people. First, He made them grow to enormous proportions (pre-pregnancy-barely a B, post-D or DD, doesn't go away), then He made the areolas (the boob one, not the pimple one) the size of Texas to boot! I think there are a few reasons for this:

The first is that He decided that if I ever nursed, my babies would not have the aim to find a nipple that was small to medium, Therefore, if it covered my entire chest, then surely they could find it quickly enough. Moral of the story, no baseball for my babies, too many small balls and aim to handle.

Another reason is that during pregnancy they hurt, a HELL of a LOT! However, since He has made the red part the size of TX, They create two large, LARGE targets right there on my chest. Even in a shirt and bra, my babies can somehow manage to see said targets, and are drawn to jump on them at every possible moment. Even better, they are sure that big, red targets that hurt are the PERFECT place to grab for and pinch when you're, say, trying to climb up onto the couch, or falling off of the bed....or, well, just any ol' time when you feel like making Mommy scream. There is no moral here, we already know they need a helicopter pad to find the spot they are aiming for. I think God did this b/c He thinks it's hilarious to watch me squeal in pain and bend over holding myself like someone just cut off my boobs! He also knows that the children thoroughly enjoy it as well, finding it the highlight of the minute, and proceed to do it again for grins and giggles. Gotta raise happy babies, right?

The last reason is that God understands that during pregnancy your stomach grows quite large. He realizes that when you eat, the food will more than likely fall onto your stomach if you drop it. Really, though, what baby wants to have barbeque sauce dripping all over its head all the time? So, He figured out that if He also makes my boobs ginormous, then they will surely catch the spilled food long before it even thinks of hitting my stomach. Thus, there's the slight chance that maybe your crumbs will fall down inside your shirt instead, and you can walk around with itchy crumbs in your bra all day instead of all over your shirt. Good stuff. Of course, it's much more likely that only the crumbs will fall there, as the fun spills like mustard and ketchup will definitely go right to your outer boob, and add color and flair to your once solid-colored shirt. Well, at least He tried to help out, eh! Oh, and while we're on solid-colored shirts, can anyone tell me why I'm suddenly obsessed with having as many white maternity t-shirts as I can get my hands on? I mean, I can't keep a white shirt clean for more than three minutes, but yet I seem to enjoy the irritation I feel when they are made filthy by grubby hands and my own spills. Oy vey!

Anyway, enough about boobs for one day. I could go on, but really, do you want to hear it? I didn't think so. I know you only kept reading in the hopes that you would find out the dirt that Julia wouldn't dish the other day. It is that unnamed brother saw some guys checking out his girl the other day at a store, and to run them off, he flashed himself (you figure out the details) at them, shook it all around, and did a little dance. I guess it's better than having to act macho, and at least the guys left her alone...Yep, you can't embarrass the guy.

Anyway, have a great day, and I'll see you soon.

Yesterday I got sunburned. It was all my fault. We went to the sprinklers w/Julia and kids, and I made sure to slather the 'sunscream' on the kids well, but neglected to slather myself. We were there about an hour or more, and I was sure I'd managed to avoid feeling the burn when I examined my shoulders at Ye Ole Fashioned, where we had ice cream after the park, and was still just the pink person I always am. Needless to say, when my back started to itch and feel funny later, I realized I was not so lucky. Now I've got my nice 'tan'. You know, the sexy red one where you look like the entree at Red Lobster? Yeah, hot huh?

Oh, and check out this awesome slide. It was fun, and very, very fast. Even my big ol' butt fit in it! Me likey! I'd have gone on it more, if I didn't get out of breath just looking at the stairs!

Last night I was supposed to tutor at 7. I got there at 7. No one home. I waited till 7:30, still no one home. So I scooted on out of there. I called Trey, no answer. I called my mom, no answer. Hmmm, what to do? I called Julia, answer. SCORE! I met up w/her at her homeschooling mom's group night out, and it was wayyyy fun. I like them. I want to join...and of course crash all of their mom's nights out! Afterwards, I convinced Julia to sit and watch me eat peach cobbler at my brother's restaurant, where I had envisioned myself harrassing him. However, he was not working...but his new girlfriend was! I got to meet her, and she's pretty and nice. I got a little tear in my eye when she said my brother said I have a nice personality and that she would like me, sniff, sniff. Try as I might have to think of embarrassing stories to tell her, the fact that he dressed up as a penis one year for Halloween (like, a couple of years ago!) pretty much insured that there was nothing I could say to make him flinch. It also doesn't help that his cheeks are even more red than mine...like, when would you know if he was embarrassed or not? For some reason it excites me that she has a four year old, and all I can think of is how I want to get him together w/TJ and they can play together. Yeah, maybe I'm rushing things just a little?

Anyway, gotta run. Hope your day is great, and I'll see you soon!

I realized last night, while telling the fourth or fifth person about how much diarrhea TJ, Taryn and I have had in the last few days, that I have really been talking wayyyy too much about diarrhea. I suppose I could call it the shits, but still, same basic thing. Perhaps I could find a new subject. Any ideas?

Until then, we are all having diarrhea problems here, and it sucks. Wanna hear all about it? Just call...I'm sure I have plenty of stories to tell...

Have a great day! See you soon!

It's scary how much you realize you love someone you've never seen (aside from on a computer screen...and that just looked like an alien!) when something happens that could hurt him. On the fourth, I was trying to get the kids in the playroom so we could sit down to eat (b/c, of course, they were done eating before we could even get our plates ready!), and as I was coming out, my foot didn't quite get clearance, and I got caught on the gate in the doorway. The gate is put there so the kids won't just walk out and fall down the stairs right outside the door. So, needless to say, when I completely lost my balance, couldn't get my foot off the gate, and fell headfirst into a pile of toys, it wasn't cool. What's worse is that my head went straight into the wall. I guess instinct made me throw my arms out to catch myself, b/c I remember thinking that I didn't want my belly to hit the ground, even if I did get hurt, and it didn't. I must have made a loud crash, b/c Trey and his mom came running up the stairs, and you could tell by Trey's voice that he was really worried. It was sweet. At the time, I didn't think anything had happened, but later my left arm started spasming. It went away after a few hours, but undoubtedly I pulled the muscles in the backs of my arms pretty badly, as well as in my stomach and my back. I have been extremely sore since then, and movement is just plain not fun! I just remember that day after it happened being mostly shaken up b/c of the baby. I paid very, very close attention to my stomach for quite a while, just waiting for him to move. So far, everything has been fine, but even still when I move and my stomach really hurts, it freaks me out and worries me that he's not alright. It's like this pregnancy thing is such a pain in the ass (and everywhere else), but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

On a much more exciting note, I signed TJ up for soccer today! I am so excited I could pop! He's pretty excited, too, but not nearly as excited as I am. He wanted to start today (in the pouring rain), but we have to wait till September for the season to start. We immediately went to the store and I bought him some shorts, and I will have to go get him cleats soon. I have enlisted every person I know that knows anything at all about soccer to help him get ready, even though I'm sure that if he knows what a soccer ball is, he'll know more than enough for the 4-year-old group! His first game is September 16th, so mark your calendars!

Alrighty, I guess that's enough for now. I hope you all are having a great day, and I'll see you soon!

We went to church today at my old church that I joined by myself when I was in high school, St. Luke's Lutheran. It was great. My friend's dad, Pastor Blalock, was still there (although he retires at the end of July, drats!), and he remembered me and was happy to have me there. I was happy to be there! I recognized a lot of faces, which made me feel pretty good (at least some of my brain is still there!). Of course, there was one face I recognized that didn't make me feel, ummm, young. My band director has gone there forever, and when I was in high school he had a son that was a good bit younger than us, I'd guess upper elem. or lower middle schoolish. Today he was a guest preacher, as he is in his first year of Lutheran Seminary, and has just graduated from Clemson Univ.. Ummm, WHAT?!!! He was so...BIG, and, well, grown up! NO! NO! NO! I just know I was lots older than him. That simply isn't possible....right? Even his sister, who was, I swear, three or something when I was a teen, was all grown up. Then I show up with my two and a half kids and my grey roots...talk about feeling like an old lady!

However, his sermon was superb. I was impressed. It was about Jesus performing miracles when he brought a little girl back to life and rid a woman of hemorrhages by her just touching his robe. Neat. Then he talked about how Jesus performs miracles in our lives everyday, just b/c we believe and have faith that He will. It was true. I was thinking about all the miracles He's performed in my life just lately. I even told my mom afterwards about how Jesus uses her and Bo so much to perform miracles in my life. I'm very lucky and blessed, I have to say. He then went on to point out how we have to pass on those miracles and help others. I'm lacking here, not for lack of want, but lack of energy and time. My hope is that I will someday get organized and finally be able to get to the helping others I so desperately want to do...

Which leads me to my next thought, which is where I feel conflicted. Okay, I know that staying at home with your kids and raising them right is a good thing. I know it's actually a lot of work w/o pay, and takes sacrifice and all that. I'm very, very well aware of why what I'm doing is right and good, which is why I continue to fight so hard to keep doing it. I want to. I need to. My kids need me to. Here's where my problem lies: Even though I know what I'm doing is good, and not at all a cop-out of work (although some would like to believe so), I don't feel that way. I feel like a loser. I wake up most days believing I'm giving nothing back to the world at all, like I'm accomplishing nothing with my life. Case in point, my friend, the pastor's son. He's off in the world getting married, getting his doctorate, and doing big scientific stuff that might cure cancer or something. He was always a bit on the brainy side in school, but I could have easily done that. Believe it or not, I was pretty doggone smart in school, too, and I didn't even have to try. Just imagine where I could have gone had I tried! I just look at these people off making these great strides, and I feel like I'm kinda wasting my life away. Sure, I have a degree or two, and hey, I did use them. I know I'm smart, and if I really wanted to, which I don't, I could go get a doctorate and end world hunger or something (maybe on a smaller scale, but...). Here's how I feel, like those people doing that, they are in a class all their own, b/c not just anyone can do what they do. Then there is where I am. Admittedly, not all moms are good moms, and I would like to think that I'm pretty good, maybe not the best, but that's alright. However, a middle school dropout that's high on pot all the time can do what I do, and possibly better. Whereas I think there should be school for mothering, there's not, and it takes no degree or verification at all that you are deserving of the position. All it takes to do what I do is a drunken one-night stand! So I tend to feel like I'm right there with all the losers a lot of the time. Trey doesn't do anything to make me feel this way, but sometimes I feel like people think he's better than me and smarter than me and more capable. "She has to stay home b/c she can't keep a job and she isn't smart enough to do anything well. He has to go out and make all the money b/c he's the only one who can succeed at anything." I know it's wrong. I know this when I take Taryn for her checkup, and they tell me she's not just doing well, she's doing fantastic, and when people look at what she can do and just comment in awe at how advanced she is for her age. I know this when I talk to other parents, and find out that TJ can do more many areas than other kids his age and older. I know I'm doing well. Yeah, sure it's them, not just me, but I can at least rest assured that I'm keeping them healthy and not holding them back. I know what I have chosen to do with my life is the right path. So why can't I just always feel that way? I just don't get it. Why must I always also feel like I'm a big, fat failure? I don't understand...

Well, that's more than enough for one day. I hope you all have a great day, and I'll talk to you later.