Thursday, July 13, 2006
I guess that means no baseball...
I'm going to talk about boobs today. Soooo, if you have a problem hearing about prego boobs, then as you read, you may think, "Oh, I have such a problem reading all about Christi's boobs."

Okay, so God has discovered that my chest can be quite entertaining for Him, and everyone else, especially little people. First, He made them grow to enormous proportions (pre-pregnancy-barely a B, post-D or DD, doesn't go away), then He made the areolas (the boob one, not the pimple one) the size of Texas to boot! I think there are a few reasons for this:

The first is that He decided that if I ever nursed, my babies would not have the aim to find a nipple that was small to medium, Therefore, if it covered my entire chest, then surely they could find it quickly enough. Moral of the story, no baseball for my babies, too many small balls and aim to handle.

Another reason is that during pregnancy they hurt, a HELL of a LOT! However, since He has made the red part the size of TX, They create two large, LARGE targets right there on my chest. Even in a shirt and bra, my babies can somehow manage to see said targets, and are drawn to jump on them at every possible moment. Even better, they are sure that big, red targets that hurt are the PERFECT place to grab for and pinch when you're, say, trying to climb up onto the couch, or falling off of the bed....or, well, just any ol' time when you feel like making Mommy scream. There is no moral here, we already know they need a helicopter pad to find the spot they are aiming for. I think God did this b/c He thinks it's hilarious to watch me squeal in pain and bend over holding myself like someone just cut off my boobs! He also knows that the children thoroughly enjoy it as well, finding it the highlight of the minute, and proceed to do it again for grins and giggles. Gotta raise happy babies, right?

The last reason is that God understands that during pregnancy your stomach grows quite large. He realizes that when you eat, the food will more than likely fall onto your stomach if you drop it. Really, though, what baby wants to have barbeque sauce dripping all over its head all the time? So, He figured out that if He also makes my boobs ginormous, then they will surely catch the spilled food long before it even thinks of hitting my stomach. Thus, there's the slight chance that maybe your crumbs will fall down inside your shirt instead, and you can walk around with itchy crumbs in your bra all day instead of all over your shirt. Good stuff. Of course, it's much more likely that only the crumbs will fall there, as the fun spills like mustard and ketchup will definitely go right to your outer boob, and add color and flair to your once solid-colored shirt. Well, at least He tried to help out, eh! Oh, and while we're on solid-colored shirts, can anyone tell me why I'm suddenly obsessed with having as many white maternity t-shirts as I can get my hands on? I mean, I can't keep a white shirt clean for more than three minutes, but yet I seem to enjoy the irritation I feel when they are made filthy by grubby hands and my own spills. Oy vey!

Anyway, enough about boobs for one day. I could go on, but really, do you want to hear it? I didn't think so. I know you only kept reading in the hopes that you would find out the dirt that Julia wouldn't dish the other day. It is that unnamed brother saw some guys checking out his girl the other day at a store, and to run them off, he flashed himself (you figure out the details) at them, shook it all around, and did a little dance. I guess it's better than having to act macho, and at least the guys left her alone...Yep, you can't embarrass the guy.

Anyway, have a great day, and I'll see you soon.
 
posted by Christi at 9:53 AM | Permalink |


3 Comments:


  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Julia

    I guess we were talking about different things. I thought we were talking about him masturbating in public. I remember once driving him home, just the two of us and he said, "Mind if I jerk off?" Since he did it so often it didn't even phase me for a few minutes when I realized I should be really offended by that. But by then he was already doing it, and I didn't want to bother him. So I thought that was what Ronda was talking about. There. That's the dirt. At least it's not on my blog.

     
  • At 12:31 PM, Blogger gina

    OMG !! LOL no social skills on that boy

     
  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger Carrie

    hah... I had no idea you posted about boobs today, too!

    great minds think alike!