I was finally taking my shower for the day a few minutes ago, and I was doing my thinking for the day (since I'm not able to do much of it while the yungin's are awake), and I had a very disturbing one come out of the blue. I imagined that I fell in the shower and hit my head and was knocked out (in my thought, I didn't specify whether or not I was still alive, just unconscious for sure). During this mind play, it hit me that, really, no one would know for a while. When my children are asleep, little to nothing can wake them, so if I yelled, it would do me no good. Trey doesn't come home at night anymore, and I seldom have plans in the morning where I would be missed if I didn't show. So what would happen if something happened to me?

Then I started to imagine TJ waking up and coming in my room in the morning. In this scenario, I died in my sleep for some strange reason (I couldn't imagine him finding me in a pool of "bleed" in the tub), and he came in like he usually does. "Mommy, get up. My tummy hurts and it's starving. Get me some food." Yes, he's always this gentle in the mornings! So anyway, he comes in to get his food that he won't touch for over an hour, and I won't respond. I figure after a few minutes he'll start to realize something's up, but then what? Would he cry? Would he go outside eventually and try to find a neighbor, which is just as scary? What would TJ do? I realize that Taryn would be stuck in her crib, and as soon as she heard TJ talking to me, as usual, would start crying for me to come and get her out. If I didn't show, how long would she cry until she realized I wasn't coming? Would she try to get out of the crib, possibly hurting herself as well? Would she starve, or get poop all over herself? Would TJ try to bring her food? The questions wouldn't stop coming now.

So, finally the shower ended, with me, of course, in a frantic state, having decided that tonight I will die in my sleep and be totally unprepared. Honestly, I'm not the least bit worried about myself dying. It just terrifies me to think of what my little ones would do. I mean, here we are, me pregnant, which just opens a HUGE can of worms for what could possibly happen, and my two little children who are not equipped to deal with having no parent around for them, even for a little while. I HATE that Trey is not here during the week! When people call me, if I don't answer, they think nothing of it. There is no one that I see everyday, and if I do, it's usually not till later, b/c we are NOT morning people. So, sure, someone would find me eventually, but how long would it be?

So, I've decided that tomorrow I will figure out a way to teach TJ how to call 911. I'm going to check out my phone and see if I can program it in to a certain button, which I will put a pic of TJ's face on to let him know what to push. Then we will practice what to do if something bad does happen. I have no expectation that he will understand or learn it all tomorrow, but I think it's time he start to learn, and that we pray he NEVER has to use the knowledge! I've also thought about asking my mom to try to kinda check-up on me in the later mornings when she can, and trying to make more plans earlier so people are expecting me. Lastly, I told Trey to hurry up and get the hell home! I hate not having him here, and this newfound paranoia is just making it worse!

So, tell me what you think about this? Have you ever had these thoughts before, or had a situation where you may have needed some back up plan? Did you teach your kids how to call 911 in an emergency, and have some good tips for me? How old were they, and how did it work? Any other ideas on how I can be prepared for an emergency situation?

Alright, enough for now. I'm going to make an attempt at going to bed now, although I don't see sleep coming for a while. I hope you all have a great day, and I'll see you soon!