The baby is getting bigger. He's fitting very well into his 0-3 month clothes now, which you would think would be a good thing. Of course, if you take into consideration the fact that he will more than likely grow a good deal before he turns three months, then it's a bit scary. After all, today is only his one month birthday. Little Cole is now staying awake much longer each day, and he totally recognizes my voice. I'm completely flattered by the fact that when he hears my voice he will stop crying and look around for me. With that comes the inevitable fact that it's that much more easy just to pawn him on me when he's crying b/c I'm "just better at that". Yeah...The other night he slept four hours b/t feedings, which doesn't seem like much, but hey, that was two extra hours of sleep I got that night (I usually have to get up twice, every three hours). That was definitely a plus, since most nights I'm not getting much of any anymore. I keep telling myself that it's only a short matter of time in the grand scheme of things, and soon enough he'll let me sleep again...if I make it that far, of course!

Anyway, I took a few pics of him today. He's just so damn cute! I just got this onesie from Old Navy. It's supposed to be a Halloween one, but I think it's uber-cool, so I got it for everyday use. Oh, and check out his almost smile. Can you see his dimples? Damn he's one cute baby!

I think it's been a week now since I last posted. Geesh! Has it been as long and busy a week for you as it has me? I'm guessing so. I dread the holidays. Sure, there's lots of fun stuff going on, and all that, but man does it wear you out!

I did, however, get my Christmas shopping done the other day, for the most part. I made no attempt to leave the house, of course, and spent a night just ordering away on the internet. Oh, what fun! I love the excitement of waiting for something to come in the mail...and then getting it! TJ and Taryn are making out like bandits this year for Christmas. I'm getting TJ a telescope for kids, and a vanity for Taryn (she's getting SOOOOOO girly, it's scary!). TJ is getting a digital camera (it didn't cost us quite that much, but not much less!) from Nana and Grandaddy, and Taryn is getting a doll and doll accessories. I didn't even realize the doll talks, kewl! TJ is getting a laptop , and Taryn is getting a V-Smile for babies from Mimi and BoBo, or my grandparents, I'm not sure. That's just the main stuff! Then there's Cole. I think he may get an outfit or thermometer or something...but he doesn't care. My guess is he will sleep through everything anyway, and that's a-okay by me. Trying to keep up w/just the two of them will be plenty for me!

I really have nothing else to talk about right now. I guess I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you later. Have a great day!

W/o it, you are really dysfunctional.

Okay, let me preface this by saying that I don't want to send out the wrong message. My mom said I made it sound like I do all of those things I listed yesterday EVERY DAY. I don't. I only wash dishes a couple times a week, and do laundry when I absolutely have to. I SUCK at grocery shopping, and dread doing it with three kids, so I go when we need stuff, or when we have NO food to eat. I pay the bills when and if we have the money to cover them. I do feed everyone everyday, but I don't slave over a hot stove most of the time. I do my best to tidy up the house everyday, but honestly, some days I just let it look like a tornado came through. It's just easier. So it's not like I spend my entire day from sun-up to bedtime running like a racecar...and I do get help. I just wanted to point out at the time that I was feeling overwhelmed...

So, now that I've gotten that off my back, I wanted to thank Julia and Richard from the bottom of my heart. Yesterday, just b/c they're the nicest people, they came and took TJ and Taryn with them to Magnolia Gardens for the afternoon. Not only did the kids have a great time (and thankfully behaved!), but both Trey and I got some MUCH needed sleep. It was great. I love them SOOOOOOOOOOO much, and I totally owe them BIG. So, Rich and Julia, you name it, I'm there!

I was informed today by some teenagers, like they know anything, that blogs are boring to read. Uhhh, WHAT! How on earth can they say that the monotonous, daily facts about my life are boring? I mean, come on! Tell me you weren't totally intrigued the day that I said I was feeling down? I just know you were glued to the screen eagerly anticipating each consecutive word as if it were the finest chocolate in the world. And when I told you about Cole's first bath? Yeah, you were lovin' it! When I said I went to see my dad? I just know you were getting a little teary-eyed...Yeah, alright, fine! So it's not all that exciting. Yet, I can't seem to imagine life w/o reading about all of your daily lives. I feel like something would be missing, and I certainly don't find it boring at all. So anyway, what do teenagers know anyway?

Alright, talk to you later. Have a great day!

Okay, maybe just this week...

Thursday night TJ had his trophy celebration for his soccer team at Cici's Pizza. He was very excited. I was kinda hoping for a little more ceremony to the whole handing out of the trophies. Instead, while about half of the parents were finally getting their own food (after having catered to their kids' every desire), the coach went around and put the trophies in front of the kids' plates. That was about it. Nevertheless, TJ hunted us all down and showed it off...then promptly went to the bathroom! He loves his trophy, which is why I'm showing it off to you right now:



Yesterday I went back to work. I closed. What a LONNNNNNGGGGGG night it was! I think I know now why you shouldn't go back to work so soon. My brain is far from where it should be, and I was making all kinds of stupid mistakes. What's worse is that I hardly made any money, which totally pissed me off. I only went back b/c we really need money right now. I'm working again tonight, too. Wish me luck! It wouldn't be so bad, except that the baby seems to know that I really need sleep, and thus keeps me from getting any!

So, I was just thinking today of my duties in this family. It feels like I do a lot around here. Take a look and tell me what you think:

household chores-laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, keeping house clean in general
keeping everyone fed all day
grocery shopping
stocking up on necessities (clothes, cleaning stuff, diapers, etc.)
paying bills/keeping up with the money
cleaning up after kids
taking care of kids (dressing, disciplining, etc.)
working 30+ hours per week
scheduling and making sure everyone gets to appts.
planning outings and trips and getting all details covered

I feel like there's more, but I can't think right now. Tell me, is this basically the same stuff you do in your home? I get a little help with this stuff from Trey sometimes, like he'll cook dinner or clean up after the kids sometimes on his day off or something, but overall I do the majority of this work. Right now in my mind this all just feels like a lot of stuff. What do you think?

Alright, that's enough for now. Talk to you later. Have a great day!

Well, I did it. Today I went w/my brother (and the kids) to my dad's house. I honestly don't know how long it's been since I've talked to or seen him, but it's been no less than two years, as he has never seen Taryn in person, nor did I see him when I was pregnant. I wrote him off a long time ago as someone I don't need in my life. It's a long story, but I felt it was in my best interest, as well as that of my children.

In the past couple of weeks, I have come to find that he has lung cancer, among other debilitating diseases, and has been given not too much longer to live. My sister and older brother, who also had become estranged from him, decided that it was high time to suck it up and take advantage of the time he has left. My little brother was at the point where he wasn't not talking to him, but not really keeping in touch and didn't care too much about it. He decided he needed to go see him, too. I did not come around so easily. I really didn't want to, and only thought I should so that people wouldn't think me totally callous and uncaring about a dying man. It took Trey talking me into going so that I wouldn't look back years from now and regret it (he's always so full of wisdom). Even Mommy said I should probably just go and get it over with.

So, I said okay. My brother was off today, so we got together and just kinda showed up. It went surprising well. Both of us were dreading going, and I was sick to my stomach on the way over. I was pretty shocked that the time there was not that stressful at all. His wife was nice, which was new, and they were actually the most tolerable they have ever been to be around. TJ was insane the whole time, due to a lack of nap. We talked, they told us about all his treatments and the like, and the kids played. It went well. I'd dare say it was almost nice.

Now I'm at a crossroad. I figured I'd make my peace and move on. However, he was all, "Ya'll come by sometime and give me a call." Well, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. He kept calling himself Pawpaw Jim (I HATE the word Pawpaw), and his wife was Granny Wanda. It just didn't feel right, and I don't know if I'm ready to tell the kids they have another set of grandparents. Now that he's stopped drinking and smoking, he really was quite nice to be around. I'm just perplexed now.

Anyway, I guess that's enough for now. I guess I'll talk to you later. Have a great day!

Is this not the cutest baby EVER...since June of last year, of course!

I don't think I can do this, I really, really don't.

I'm quite, 100% sure, I said the exact same thing after Taryn was born, and possibly after TJ, too. However, I feel like I mean it more now. I know that once we all get used to having a new baby in the house, and I get to start sleeping like a regular person again, that I won't feel this way. I know all of the rational and logical stuff, and I know we'll get through this just fine. We always do. Nothing new now.

Still, though, I just really don't know if I can do this. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be feeling this way, since I'm already on anti-depressants from the last baby and my post-partum depression. Nonetheless, I can't keep these feelings of being completely overwhelmed and unmotivated from clouding my head.

Yesterday, I took all three of them to my grandma's house w/my mom, and we tried to shop afterwards. I felt a tiny bit better that it was hard to handle all three of them, and that was with my mom there helping. However, it just made for an awful day, and made me realize that nothing, NOTHING, will ever be easy again. My mom told me she doesn't want to go shopping w/me anymore w/all of them, b/c it was just too stressful. It was. It sucked. I spend my days doing the absolute basics around here, and still not getting those done well. That's mostly b/c whenever I sit down, I have to find a way to accommodate three small people on my lap (who ever thought that being less than small would be a good thing!). Then, I am able to get one of them to sleep, and the other one will wake up! I try to feed the baby before time to eat, but he won't play that game. He prefers to wait till everyone is sitting down w/their food. I'm telling you, though, it's a good diet.

Trey is helping me as much as he can now that he's back at work, but now it just feels like we all spend our days accomplishing nothing. We end up taking turns trying to catch some sleep, and we're always in a bad mood. It sucks.

Yes, yes, I know this is all completely normal, and that it is a part of the whole process of having a new baby and adjusting. I just feel like I need to get it out. I'm hating it. I read today in a magazine, while wiping Taryn off and holding the baby and trying to eat my lunch, about a woman who was suffering PPD who felt bad b/c she didn't enjoy her new baby as much as she felt she should. She felt guilty for not being excited. I totally felt her pain. I'm not excited, I'm worn out. Many days this week I've wondered what I've done, and really, really wished I hadn't gotten pregnant. Then I feel like shit b/c I love, love, LOVE little Cole, and wouldn't give him up for the world. I don't regret having him at all.

I hate this, I really do. I can't wait for it to be over and be normal again, whatever that is...

Talk to you later. Have a great day.

Cole got the experience of his first real bath today. I was a little nervous that he would cry the whole time. You know, that kid wouldn't even wake up for it! Can't say it was hard, though, and I'm kinda glad he wasn't too upset. Now if I could just get him to be that way when I change his diaper!



Later, TJ was "reading" a book to him, but by the time I got the camera there, he just wanted to hug him (and pretty much squeeze his little head off!).



I am such a lucky mom!

Why is it that suddenly it gets darker earlier, and yet the days seem so much longer now? I'm so confused.

Yesterday and today were loooonnnnggggg days. I can't remember doing a whole lot, but boy, were they long. You'd think they'd seem shorter since I'm doing most of my sleeping now as a nap in the middle of the day. I'm not sure what I'll do on Wed. when Trey goes back to work, but I'm sure I'll figure something out. The whole sleep deprivation thing kinda sucks, if you know what I mean. I took the baby to his 1 week check-up today, and I went ahead and scheduled appts. for all three of them in Jan. (strangely enough, they all need one then). As the girl was asking me questions, I was just totally drifting off to I have no idea where. I certainly wasn't there. I hope we get settled enough soon enough so that I can try to get this boy on our schedule.

As for his appt., he's doing quite well. He's gained a whopping two ounces, despite the fact that he eats like he thinks all food will fall off the face of the earth in seconds. It was at first thought that the mysterious little red mark on his head near the front was a scratch or perhaps a stork bite, but it's now seeming like it might be a birth mark. My brother has one that looks just like it in the back of his head, so we're waiting to see. I don't think you can see it in the pics I have of him, but the next time I take pics I'll try to remember to take one of it so you can see. I mean, I could do it now, but my tummy hurts. Okay, fine, I'll do it now! Geez, people!


Alright, surely in those two pics you can at least kinda see it. It's not that dark, really, but my mom says if it is a birthmark it won't grow hair over it. I guess if that's the case, we may have to be creative w/how we part his hair! I think it's neat that he might have a cool little spot that makes him super unique, and that he can always be identified by. I hope it does turn out to be a birth mark!

Well, I guess that's all for now. I hope you all are having a great day, and I'm sure I'll be back soon enough. Later!

Okay, so I left off at 5 1/2 cm. dilated, and ready for my epidural. I told bitchy nurse that I wanted it asap, and she replied, "But I'd rather see you go natural." Uhhh, yeah, about that...NO! I explained to her, b/t contractions, that I am a major pusher of epidurals, and tell everyone they should get one. I have no interest in being a hero and sucking it up...I love drugs!!! I also told her I wanted Nubain, which is good to make your head fuzzy till the epidural kicks in. She told me she didn't think I could get it b/c I was moving too fast (???).

So she goes out into the hall, w/Trey following, and calls my dr. Trey overheard her double checking w/the dr. that it was okay to go ahead and give me the epidural, and her saying that she'd do it right away. She came back into the room and told me she was going to call the anesthesiologist right after she asked me some questions that hadn't been finished earlier. At this point, the contractions were right on top of each other, and pretty damn painful, and talking wasn't my forte. She took forever w/the questions, and they were stupid, like, "Do you have anyone w/high blood pressure in your family?" Uhhh, couldn't we do this after the epidural kicks in? Anyway, I made it through, and she headed out, saying she was going to call the anes. right away.

Some matter of minutes later (kinda hard to keep up by then), she came back and told me I had to sign the consent form before she could call him! I signed, in very bad handwriting. She said she was on her way to call him then.

Some time later, a while, she came back again, pushing the epidural cart. I can't deny I got a little excited at this point. I was more than ready! After getting it where it needed to be, she said, once again, that she was on her way to call him right then. Uhhhh, WHAT!? This had now been over an hour, and she had yet to call the anes. Can you say more than pissed!

So, somewhere in there the anes. finally came. He then proceeded to poke and prod at my back, shoving tubes all over the place then pulling them out, for about half an hour or so (or so it felt, it could have been longer). At one point, as he put the tube in my back, I felt a sharp pain shoot down my left leg from the knee down, and then my leg went numb. I screamed and told him what had happened, and he said it was fine. Then he proceeded to leave that tube in and finish the process! At this point, I was at 9 1/2 cm., and everyone was coming in and getting ready for me to start pushing! Yeah, that's right. I asked for the epidural at 5, well, even before that, and didn't get it till 9 1/2!

So, I got the luxury of an epidural that really wasn't doing its job for about fifteen minutes. I suddenly decided that I REALLY had to go to the bathroom, and was told no. Why, you ask? Well, undoubtedly, I didn't really have to go to the bathroom...I had a baby to push out! So, with one BIG push, that I begged them to let me stop, out popped little Cole. He was the first baby I ever had that actually cried when he came out. Everyone was afraid to cut the cord (didn't want to get messy), so the dr. did it. I soon found out I'd had another red-headed baby (God save me!), and that he was a pudgy little one!

I can't be happier! He's so perfect, as all of my babies are! He seems to find it funny to stay up all night and sleep all day, but we're working on that. He also sounds like a cat in a fight when he cries, and a monkey when he makes any other noises. Too cute (and irritating at times!)!

So, that's my story. I think I am going to write a letter to the hospital about my service by the bitchy nurse. I'm sure it won't get me anywhere, but at least I'll have it off my chest. It really does make me mad about the whole situation.

Talk to you later, and have a great day!

Wow, what a week! I don't know if I told you, but Trey's parents came to town on Friday night to stay till yesterday. So, our weekend already started with a bang! They brought KK and Mikey, two of the grandkids, who are just three and 17 months old. Yeah, the house was quite busy!

So, Sunday, after not having slept very well, I awake at 8:30 am w/some serious back pain. We had stayed at Julia's the night before until about 3 or 3:30 am hanging out (btw, I SUCK at Balderdash!), so it was pretty much a wasted attempt at sleep. Most of the pain was in my lower back and my pelvic area, so I was confused as to whether or not to think they were contractions. I kinda waited a bit to see, and then called my dr. when they didn't ease up. She said they were back spasms. I wasn't so sure I agreed...

Somewhere around 10 or so, I began to notice that the "spasms" came at a pretty steady pattern, so I started timing them. They were coming every five and a half minutes for about 30-60 seconds. They didn't hurt too, too bad yet, so I figured I'd just keep timing for an hour or so and see what happened. After about an hour, they went to every four and a half minutes. After Trey's mom telling me to wait till every three minutes, and my mom saying to wait till two, I decided that I was going to the hospital, despite their warnings. If anything, there was too much going on at home that I had to hear and deal with, and Taryn was fussy and wanted to be held a lot, so I was ready to at least be in pain in peace!

When I got there they hooked me up to the monitors and watched them for an hour. I got to the hospital around 11:30 or 12, and I was at 4 1/2 cm. After an hour, I'd only changed to about 4 3/4 cm., and the nurse said they were going to send me home if I didn't change faster. So she made me walk...for an hour. They were right about walking! After about half an hour of roaming the halls and having people look at me with pity (I had to hold the rails on the walls to keep from falling everytime a contraction came), I was begging to stop, but she said to keep going. Finally, after I thought I would die if I walked another step, she came and checked me again. 5 1/2 cm.! She had told me earlier that they would not let me have an epidural till I was at least 5 cm., and the second she told me I was, I told her I was ready!

The nurse I've been talking about up to this point was the bitchy one, but I haven't really gotten into why I hated her so much yet. She had, however, already pissed me off. Her insistence that I wasn't in labor and that she was going to send me home had really pushed my buttons. I mean, this is not my first child...I think I know at least a tinesy bit about labor and if I'm in it or not. She hadn't done her worst yet, though...and, since this has gone on long enough, I think I'll save the rest for later.

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, my precious children, who now have TOOOOOOO much candy, in their Halloween costumes:


TJ was Peter Pan, Taryn was a ladybug (an uncooperative one!), and Cole was a dinosaur (sorta!).