Taryn made an alarming discovery in the tub the other night. She and TJ were playing happily w/all of their tub toys while I cleaned the sink and toilet. I turned to check on them, and they were good. Then, not seconds later, TJ yelled, "NO Taryn!", and I turned to see what was going on again. There she was, tugging away at TJ's "toodlewhop" and having the time of her life! She found it to be quite entertaining that she could pull on it and it would bounce back. TJ tried to get her to stop (mind you, only by saying no), and then he decided it felt kinda tickly, so he stopped trying to get her to stop. After just a few seconds of this oh-so-funny horror, I was forced to separate my two little ones before some kind of sick incestual behavior began. That's all I need is to have a grandchild by my two children when they're 8 and 6 or something! Oh Lordy! I'm so not ready for this!

Man, employers are really missing out on the perfect job market! I figured out where all the smartest and hardest workers are today...They're at home taking care of their children!

Today I went to the mom's group meeting. There was a woman who comes pretty regularly, and she spoke to us about Women's Ministry. She was talking about her years at college while she was giving us some background. I got to thinking about the fact that I went to college, too. Pretty deep thoughts, eh? Then, I started wondering just how many women in the room had gone to college, had degrees, and were now spending their days at home making no money and raising their children to be the best they can be. Now, don't get me wrong, I think a lot of these women do a lot of "work" in their communities and church and stuff, and it's not like they're not doing anything but being mommies, which is also fine and dandy, being a job in itself (can you say run-on sentence!). Some of them even have jobs, like myself, but call themselves SAHM first and foremost. I guess it's a way of, you know, showing your priorities and where your heart lies.

So, anyway, where I was going w/this was that employers really are missing out. I mean, think about it...Admittedly, I can really use some work in the SAHM area. I just wonder if I will ever get myself truly organized to a point where I can handle everything that's going on in my life, AND do the extra stuff I want to do like volunteer and help others. That is my goal and passion in life, and it seems like that, unfortunately, is what's fallen to the wayside while I have all my cheerin' and try to get them out of diapers and to have some manners. SAHM's, though, are some of the most organized, hard working, intelligent, innovative and adaptive people out there. I mean, really, college and extra education aren't necessary to be sucessful (ie-my best friend in the whole wide world who does a stellar job at staying at home w/her kids and homeschooling them), it just goes to show just how much potential for our workforce is out there that employers are missing out on. If only more companies would offer work from home careers and stop looking at staying at home to raise children as a negative instead of an asset on resumes. This has been the hardest and most dynamic job I've ever had in my life, and surely it says something for me that I'm still at it and I haven't killed any of my (or someone else's) children yet. Why, I hardly ever even raise my voice (okay, okay, I don't yell, okay. Fine, I raise it now and then, but I don't YELL! Now, I've been to some workplaces where that happens a LOT. See, I've already got something going for me.

Alright, so I had a thought, and perhaps I should have seen it through to completeness before I decided to write about it. This has all seemed a bit random. If anything, please at least see it as a tribute to SAHM's and all we do. Sure, I totally think we deserve to get paid, a LOT. However, I'm glad to say that I'm not out there using my education to its fullest and putting those school loans to work in a "normal" job. I have to say that I will gladly use every ounce of my intellect speaking in toddler-ease and baby gibberish as long as it takes to raise my kids and make the world a better place through them. I totally feel like I'm not wasting one single second of my college learning. Goodness knows we need some better people in the world, so surely I'm doing something right!

Have a great day! I'll talk to you later!

Okay, not so much a few days, but a couple, alright...Unfortunately, w/our newest life, leaving for more than a day is usually impossible. However, we finagled and managed to get TWO WHOLE DAYS off this week to go to Charleston and let loose. We had a good time. We did our best to squeeze in as close to a week's worth of stuff into two days. Now, of course, the house is TRASHED, and I'm TIRED! Oh well...it'll all still be here when I'm ready, right?

So, most fun activity of our "weekend": Julia and family coming over to our wild party at my mom's. I failed to point out that my mom is gone this week to her timeshare at the beach, so her house was empty. We didn't know that when we decided we had to get away, but she was sweet enough to let us borrow it. So, as any daughter would do when she has mom's house to herself, I had a party. Now, when I say party, pretty much what I mean is that we had Julia's family over and swam in the pool, ate, listened to loud music, and played Clue. Now tell me that wasn't a wild night! Oh, it was cool for a minute, though, when I was on the phone w/my mom trying to find her playing cards, we had the music on really, REALLY loud. Right when I walked into the other room to hear her, someone knocked really loudly on the door. We thought for sure we were in trouble, but to no avail. Just a neighbor looking for my mom!

Highlight of the weekend: TJ learned how to "swim" with his arm floaties on! He usually wears a life jacket thing, but I totally forgot to bring it, and I was so scared he wouldn't go in the pool w/o being held. However, my mom had those, and we gave it a try. He had it down w/in the first ten minutes or so, and he was so proud of himself. It was SO cute! Mind you, he moved at maybe 1/90th of a mile per hour, but we are all very proud, nonetheless. He's getting to be such a big boy!

Scariest moment of the weekend: Taryn taking a nose-dive into the pool w/my back turned. She would insist on getting out of the pool and walking around it. Then she would walk right up to the side of it and kinda taunt you to come try to catch her. One time, she did it, and I heard, "My Ma-Ma". I went to turn to see her, and Trey said, "CHRISTI!" So, I turned to look at him on the other side of the pool, and missed her falling in! Thankfully, Julia was close, and could think through my screaming, "GET 'ER! GET 'ER! GET 'ER!" and pulled her out. Surprisingly, she had no water in her at all, and was pretty much unphased. I held her in the water for a while, and she was pretty cool. Didn't like it when the water would get near her face for a while, but other than that, she was cool. Now, did she learn her lesson? No. After Trey took her out to dry her off, she went right back to it!

Anyway, here are some pics I took of them getting wet. Nothing better than soaking your children when it's hot outside!
Doesn't she look like she's having a blast!

TJ's girlfriend!



I hope your week is going well, and I'll see you soon!

Okay, so I want to go home. For some, I've made this perfectly clear for ages now. Others, they have no idea that Columbia is not home to me. I want to go home badly. There are, of course, many reasons I want to go, all of which would have made me barf in high school (back when I wanted to get as far as humanly possible away from home, and I thought kids were nothing more than a virus that plagued your life). I want to be near family, first and foremost, especially since I am having a third child, and I will need as much close support as I can get. I'm betting that my mom will totally delight in her three grandchildren, and want to spend oodles of time with them, smothering them in love and spoiling. That's just fine by me, as long as I'm not ALWAYS required to be there with her! Then, of course, there's the familiarity of it all, and being able to tell my kids stories about growing up and actually showing them where the stories happened. TJ is also madly in love with downtown Charleston, and, well, it's kind of a far drive from here just to hang out there. As well, I would have access to two pools there (hint, hint) of very close friends and family (well, both on mom invites, of course), and Taryn has a seeming love of water already that just makes me think she would be in heaven in a pool.

Then there's the other big reason I want to go home: Julia. If you've been reading this for any period of time, and I'm sure you haven't, you would have learned way back when that I met Julia in third grade. I believe the teacher's name was Ms. Quiat (Kee-ot). It was the beginning of the schoolyear, and we were doing one of those icebreaker things and had to draw names of animals and pair up. We both drew tigers, and were automatic friends. Mind you, this was a BIG deal to me, b/c I was a rather hefty child in third grade, and it's not easy to make friends when you're in third grade, new at your school, and a fat kid. Therefore, the fact that Julia was nonjudgemental made her an even better friend to have. Of course, as fate would have it, she was soon moved to a different class across the school, but we still saw each other on our Friday trips to SAIL (smart kids class--never would have guessed it, huh?). We remained friends, and she was not forgotten when she moved to the next district over.

It must have been fate, b/c when I moved to that same district, lo and behold, there was Julia at the same middle school! We became friends again, and suffered some ups and downs, and then in high school finally got over our differences (mostly from peer pressure from others) and became close friends again. As this whole fate thing goes, shortly thereafter, I moved in right down the street from her, about four houses down. Oh yes, it was meant to be...

Since then, we have remained friends. Admittedly, we lost touch for a while when I moved away and she started the whole married life/having kids thing. I just wasn't there yet, and really couldn't understand what was going on in her life. However, I feel like now, even though we're pretty far separated, we're pretty close, and I really look forward to every opportunity to see her and hang out. She's the only person who actually gets me, and, well, doesn't think I have too many screws loose to admit to!

Here's the kicker, though. I was thinking about Julia while I was washing the dishes a little while ago, and it occurred to me that we really are pretty much opposites. Allow me to elaborate:
Julia was hardcore for nursing. The thought of a little person sucking on my boob makes me sick to my stomach.
Julia used cloth diapers. I am all about destroying the world if it means I don't have to wash any more clothes than I already do!
Julia takes the time to cook healthy, natural, vegetarian meals for her family. If it takes me more than three minutes to cook from start to finish, and I can't do it in my microwave, toaster oven, or Foreman grill, I want nothing to do with it.
Julia is a vegetarian, has never had meat in her entire life, not even fish. I am all about some chicken, steak, salmon, pork, you name it.
Julia has thin, straight hair. I have THICK, wavy hair.
Julia married the kind of guy I always saw myself married to. I married the guy I always saw her married to.
Julia, overall, is a pretty quiet, private person. I am loud, talkative, and wayyyy too open to anyone who will listen.
Julia will stand up to people in public and ask for what she wants (this I've seen her do, and totally admire). I cower and just suffer.
Julia was once told she has a 'badoonkadoonk'. I have no butt to speak of.
Julia is more a fan of laid back, 90's type music (which I also like a lot of). My personal tastes tend to bend a little more toward the hardcore, loud, headbanging kind of music.
Julia is organized and a great homeschooling teacher and mom. I am still working on it, but I have ZERO organization skills, and fear that homeschooling might just be a major mistake for me to try b/c of that.
Julia has great logic skills, as well as math and science-type thinking. I am awesome at English-type stuff, but I have the common sense of a rock, and SUCK at math and science.

I could go on for days, I'm sure, but I think you get the point. Now, can you blame me for wanting to go home to get more facetime with such a great person? I just think it's so awesome that we can be so very, very different, yet get along SO very well. I love that Julia doesn't judge me for my worldly views and personality, and that we can still get along so well despite our differences. Now, don't get me wrong, we do have a lot in common as well. That's what I think is even that much more amazing!

Really, though, you get those lame emails all the time about friends, and how you need to send them to all of the friends in your life. How many of those people, though, can you say have been lifelong, and will be lifelong friends? I can name one (one, which, btw, knows better than to send me all of those lame emails!). Her name is Marie. Ha ha! Just kidding! I did that to piss off Julia! Yeah, yeah, her name is Julia.

Anyway, it's insanely late for me. I have to be up in about a minute, or so it feels. I must be carrying myself off to bed now. Welcome to the new, deeply hormonal Christi. Well, at least I'm over the morning sickness! Have a great day! I'll see you soon!

Ummm, where on earth has the week gone?! A girl from the playgroup I go to on Wed. called today to see if I was planning on going. I told her I didn't even realize it was Wed. yet! She did hasten me not to come on a Thursday! Wouldn't that be cute?

So anyway, Easter was good for us. How was yours? Did you do anything exciting? We went to an Easter egg hunt at the church behind our house on Saturday, and I was so excited, b/c Shawna brought her little girl Elise that I watch, and Gayle came, too. TJ, Taryn and Elise all got lots of eggs, and made some crafty stuff. Elise was pretty serious about finding those eggs, too! TJ just wanted the candy. Taryn was just happy opening and closing an egg...It was pretty fun. Here's a couple pics from there. (Kate, notice anything familiar?)


Sunday, we went to Trey's parents'. They became members of a new church, and Trey wanted to see it.

Then we went to the house for Easter dinner. I filled my belly, and the cheerin' got to play with their cousins and have a great day. Trey even got to nap some! After dinner, we died some eggs and had our own little family kid Easter egg hunt. I thought it was going to be undies only, as all but Taryn were in their undies or diapers, but they put clothes on KK. I lef TJ nekkid. Of course, in true TJ style, he wouldn't touch any eggs that were cracked or had ants on them (which was pretty much all of them). Taryn had just learned the day before how to open up plastic eggs, so the first egg she got her hands on, she cracked right in half just like a plastic egg, only to find it wasn't quite what she was expecting!

Lastly, by the end of the day when we were ready to go home, TJ was SOOOOO exhausted. He passed out on his cousin Katie, and, well, it was just precious!

Just for the humor of it all, I'll close with something funny TJ said the other day to Trey. He's gotten in the habit of refusing to put his underwear on after he uses the bathroom (b/c yes, he takes them off to pee!). Trey told him the other day to put them back on, and he said, "No. If you don't want to see my toodlewhop, Daddy, then I'll put my hand on it and cover my butt!" Well, I guess he told him!

Have a great day, I'll see you soon!

A year ago today, Ava Marie Cadeau was born, and unfortunately, was not able to continue on in this world with us. I still think about her everyday, and feel so much sadness for her parents. They are the most awesome people you will ever know of, and so deserving of a baby of their own. They are destined to be wonderful parents, and deep in my heart I hope that God will one day give them what they so desire. So please, take a moment to think of them all today, and if you're so inclined, pass a little prayer their way. I know that my life has been forever changed from knowing the three of them, and if you had the opportunity, yours would be, too.



It was a good Friday. Very busy, yet productive, and one which makes you think. I felt lucky to be able to have such a good Good Friday, considering it's not that way for everyone in the world. I'll spare you the details of our long day, but I will say that I am EXHAUSTED from it!

It hit me yesterday that today would have marked the one year anniversary of me getting fired from DJJ...Well, had I not called in on Good Friday last year. We were supposed to have it off, and then they changed it. I needed it off to get ready for TJ's birthday party, though, so I went ahead and took it. Had I gone to work, it would most certainly have ruined a wonderful weekend, so I'm glad I called out and went in Monday to get fired instead. To this day I still don't understand why I was fired, except that it was the end of my year probationary period, and they knew that they could do it w/o reason before it ended. Afterwards, I would have tenure, and it would take work to get rid of me. I had become a part of a group of rebels who fought against the wrongs, the MANY wrongs, going on at DJJ, and even fought for my students, who were sometimes railroaded for the sake of ease and not their educations. I don't think they wanted another rebel there, so they got rid of my while they could--on the very last day of my probation...Convenient, eh?

Needless to say, a better thing could not have happened to me. My life was changed a year ago next Monday. Before that, I was a working mom, who saw my son two days and two afternoons a week, while we sent him off for three to four days a week to his Nana's house to stay while we had to both work. A year ago, I watched a lot of tv, went to bed at a decent hour, slept through the night each night, ate most dinners alone and spent a lot of time alone, and brought work home on occasion to tinker with while I whiled away my spare time. Oh, and I spent a lot of time on the computer, especially playing on my blog and reading others'. I loved my son dearly, but saw him little. I felt I had to make our time worthwhile and make it up to him that I didn't get to see him enough, especially since he kinda had two moms, and I felt like I was competing with mom #2. Taryn was on her way, but she was just kind of a nuisance at the time, since I had to stand a lot during the day, and she made my back hurt like hell. At work, I used words like predicate and integer, and tried desperately to get my students to read books for joy (not just fake it to shut me up, while writing gang symbols in them), which never quite seemed to work. I used my lap for balancing IEP's on while I tried to put the information into the computer. I tested students to see if they were progressing to the next level in their educations, and modified their learning goals as such. I talked to the students about their problems with school and feelings. I spoke to adults, and we talked gossip, "Did you hear what Kathy said Latham was doing in her office today?" Overall, I thought my life wasn't perfect, but was doing alright.

Man, was I wrong! Today, I see my son, and daughter every single day, all day long, and I am the only mom that raises them. If they go away for a day or so w/their dad or grandparents, I miss them as though I haven't seen them in weeks. There is no such thing as a decent time to go to bed, since there are not enough hours in the day for any to be decent. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night, and my only alone time is usually spent in the last hour after the kids are in bed, as I try to keep my eyes open long enough to catch most of a show I once enjoyed when it actually came on (instead of when I can catch it on DVR). I work no less than 12 hours a day, and I never leave. When I do, you can rest assured I bring my work with me. Let's not even talk about days off...they don't exist. I have about ten minutes a day to catch up on as much as I can on the computer, which is usually not nearly enough, and even Trey yells at me now that I don't update my blog enough! Taryn is here now, and she's a pistol...she's EVERYWHERE! At work now, I use words like poo-poo and silly-willy turkey boy, and read to a boy everyday who begs for more b/c he genuinely loves to hear the stories and look at the pictures and talk about them, and I never even had to try with him. My lap is now used for balancing as many small children as will fit at any given moment (namely, whenever I make the mistake of sitting down for more than three seconds!), and I never realized just how very still IEP files were, and how they never pushed buttons on the computer that erased everything! I once tested students, and now, everyday, I am tested myself. I am constantly modifying and adapting my goals to fit the ever-changing minds of my small children. These days, I talk to toddlers about their problems too...mostly of which consist of where the boo-boo is and when would they like me to kiss it and if I need to keep holding them for comfort. I have lengthy conversations now, too. For instance, just today TJ and I were talking all about how the Doodlebops sing that one song, "Keep Trying," and how we have to keep trying when we can't get things to work right the first time. Oh, and Taryn love, love, loves to talk for hours about Da-da and dis and dat. Of course, there's still the gossip. Why, just the other day we were going on about how Dora was so silly to go down the path that was green, b/c red is TJ's favorite color. What was she thinking?!

So, I guess my life has changed, although not so much as you might think. However, I really have to believe that my life officially began about a year ago. Sure, I'm tired and worn out all day everyday now, and I won't say that I'm always thrilled about getting out of bed and greeting my more-than-happy to be awake children (and those that I watch), but I can't think of a better way to be. If it means I have to work a night job and watch three hundred kids for the rest of my life, so that I can work myself into an early grave from sheer exhaustion, then so be it. We are broke, too far from home, and tired, but I have the best husband and kids in the world, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

* In a three-star restaurant, it is always good form to say "excuse me" before lifting your baby above the table and sniffing his rear to discern if his diaper needs changing.
* Never discuss the contents of said diaper during a meal that involves mustard or pea soup.
* If your dinner partner can't find a waiter to bring milk for his coffee, you might raise his spirits with a joke about pumping him some. But don't press the issue...
*In bed, no matter how exhausted you may be, find time to give your spouse a long, passionate pat on the shoulder.
* Sleep-deprived though you are, include a phrase in every thank-you note that shows you remember each gift. Specify "your gift," for instance, or "that thing you sent the baby."


Ha ha ha! I found these in the free Baby Talk magazine they gave me at the doctor today. They were written by Melissa Balmain, in the March 2006 issue (just for copyright kudos). I was cracking up. Trey didn't seem to find them quite as hilarious. Mostly, he just wanted me to shut up so he could hear the tv. Whatever...

Okay, so here's the news:
Baby #3 is well on its way to meeting its new family. He/she is about 10 1/2 weeks old, give or take a couple weeks, and I have a tentative due date of November 4th. She told me that when they do the big ultrasound at 20 weeks, they'll be able to give me a more accurate date, and may change it to sometime in October. Neat, huh? I saw he/she today on the monitor, and man, was it WIGGLING! That baby was dancing all over the place! So much for this one being more calm, eh? My mom always did want me to have 12 kids just like me, so I guess 3 might suffice. There was a nursing student following my midwife today, and she was in there with us. She said I was funny. Undoubtedly, when you strip me nude and put metal things into my nether-regions it brings out the hilarity in me! Whoda thunk it! Of course, I have been told that before, and of course, when stripped and lying on a table in paper napkins (which, on my larger than tiny self, is exactly what they feel like!).

So, everything is good w/the baby. Even my nausea and morning sickness is calming down. It's almost time to go into the next phase of fun and glowingness. Hooray! I didn't realize I was so far along, but that's cool. I'm just that much closer, and that means that I didn't even have to be sick for the whole first three months! Yippee! Oh, and please go here (if it doesn't take you right to it, the name of the game is 'thirdonesacharm') and make a guess about the baby. You can guess when it will be born, how much it will weigh, how long, all that stuff. I'm trying right now to think of a kick-ass prize for the winner! Yeah, so the end of the game is a little far off, but still...

I have other news, like how much fun the kids had at Alison's birthday party Sunday, and you must see how messy they got. I'll have to tell you all about that later, though. Right now my leftover sub from yesterday is screaming at me to eat it before I gnaw off my arm. I hope you have a great day, and I'll see you soon!

Okay, I forget, as if I could...When you first get prego, do you feel REALLY tired, no matter how much sleep you get and how little you do? I'm wondering if I will feel better once I get on my prenatal vitamins, which I should have asked them to prescribe for me when I called for the appt. I'm hoping maybe those will give me some nutrients or something to wake up! Trey has done the paper route for me for almost the entire last week or so, and I've been getting a nice amount of sleep at night. When I wake up in the mornings now, I feel refreshed and ready to go. However, w/in about ten minutes, I see the couch, and I just want to put my butt on it for the rest of the day! I just don't get it! Like, right now, I want to go to sleep. I just had a nap w/the kids for about an hour. I also had one when Trey woke up this morning for about an hour. Plus, I got a decent night's sleep last night w/only minimal waking up. I just want to be normal again!

So anyway, I'm really excited about tomorrow. I'm going to Julia's house for Alison's birthday party. There's going to be an egg hunt and everything. It was hard to decide what to get her for a gift, so I hope she likes it, b/c it was meant to be a little different than what everyone else will prob. be giving her. Of course, knowing my luck, she'll get ten of the same thing we got her!

Oh, and get this, a guy came walking through my yard today, and I saw him as he got to the fence. It kinda freaked me out, b/c I figured there weren't too many cable or electricity guys out checking stuff at ten in the morning! He came around to the front door...and brought us invitations to the Easter egg hunt next week at his church! I think that's cool. Directly behind our fence is the parking lot for a Methodist church. I've been wanting to go to it, considering I'm Methodist, and gee, it just seems so easy to hop right through the back yard to get to church. However, it looked kinda small, and I really want a church that has a better children's thing going. Mine kinda sucks for TJ--they don't do anything enriching at all in his class. I figured if I went to a smaller one, that would just mean there'd prob. be less kids and less chance of finding better stuff for him. The guy said they have an awesome children's program their, though. So now I want to go check it out. Plus, their Easter egg hunt thing looks ten times more exciting than the one at my church. So I may just have to head to theirs! Oh, and lately, I haven't been feeling too comfortable with my Sunday School class. Kinda like they're being nice to me just b/c it's the Christian thing to do, and not so much b/c they really like me. I've never really felt like I fit in w/them. I'm not sure if it's b/c I'm pretty much single w/two kids in their eyes (Trey always has to work, and they're a big couples kinda group). Perhaps it's that they think my kids are hellions. I was once told that TJ was the most "aggressive" kid at a gathering we were at. He is so not aggressive. I'll admit, he's quite boisterous at times, and loves people a little too hard (which we've worked on, and he's much better now), but that's mostly our faults, b/c we like to give bear hugs and be very "loving" around here. It could be my odd sense of humor. I am a bit on the sarcastic side, and if you aren't keen to it, then I might look a little like a bitch. Who knows. I just know I feel uncomfortable around most of them. There are a couple of couples whom I LOVE, but overall, I feel like I just never quite made it to the clique. I'm also a little insensed right now, b/c last week they had a cookout. I emailed the guy in charge to let him know I may not be there b/c I had that stomach virus. He emailed me back to let me know not to come if I wasn't 100% better b/c "there will be two pregnant people there". I know I'm probably taking this to extremes, but that hurt my feelings a little bit. I'm pregnant, too, and heaven's knows I would have never brought that icky thing around anyone, pregnant or not. I emailed him back that I knew firsthand how awful it feels, especially when you're pregnant, but I don't think he got my message, if you know what I mean. So, needless to say, I'm a little excited about checking out a new church and seeing what they have to offer. I really just want to find a place that TJ can make some friends and get some learning done. I can't afford to send him to preschool, so I have to take advantage of everything I can that's school-like, and what better place than church, right?

Wow, I didn't mean to go on and on there. I hope you're still with me! I do hope you have a great day, and I'll see you soon!

So, I wrote this whole last post on all of the stress I feel about this whole mom thing. Yeah, I'm gonna work on it, and I realize that I'm probably doing a pretty good job as it is. Do you know what the most stressful part of every single day is, though?

EATING!

No, I love to eat. Don't get me wrong. I love food, and I like to put it in my mouth, chew it up, swallow it, and let it work its course. This is evidenced by the fact of how I look in pictures and in person, and how I've gradually worked my way up the scale of clothing sizes from a 10 when I met Trey to a size 437 W now. Yes, I should be stressed by the fact that I eat too much junk food and not enough hot, homecooked meals. I'm not. Really, I'm not.

Here's the problem: Making meals stresses me out! I can't afford to eat out everyday, and really, there's no point w/Trey usually not around and two small ones who really don't eat anything. SO, I'm left deciding what they, and I, eat for three meals and two snacks a day. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS!!!!! I want to make sure that they get enough vegetables and fruits and meats, and not too many sweets, and dammit, that's just challenging! Most meals I want to be done in no more than five minutes, b/c really, that's about all the time I have to get them together. My kids won't eat just anything, so I have to think of what they are willing to eat, and stuff that they're able to eat as well (like, no popcorn and peanuts for Taryn kinda stuff). Then I have to make it all match as best as possible. I'm known for eating stuff that doesn't go together at all. I once discovered that clam chowder and peanut butter and jelly not only do NOT go together, they WILL make you sick to your stomach for the rest of the day! I see nothing wrong with a meal of chicken and popcorn, or green beans and M&M's. However, I don't want my kids to have to eat that way. (btw, clam chowder really doesn't go with much, especially not chocolate ice cream!) I don't want them to have to eat the same thing day in and day out, and I refuse to have them eat the same thing twice in one day. This, of course, makes it that much harder to figure out what to feed them.

Thus, that is why most meals are eaten about an hour after I plan to in this house. I will find anything, even cleaning, to do in order to avoid the battle of figuring out and making meals for my family. It sucks on Trey's days off, too, b/c undoubtedly he has the same problem. 7 o'clock will roll around, and he'll ask what's for dinner. I'll tell him that I thought he was going to get it, and he'll look at me like I've lost my mind. Did I mention that he went to school to be a chef, or whatever, and that I decided he was the man for me b/c of that? I thought surely we'd have lovely gourmet meals each night and that he would love to cook in his off time. I suppose if you call Tombstone pizzas and Hamburger Helper Stroganoff gourmet, then yes, he is a gourmet chef at home. Otherwise, I really got screwed in this deal.

Thankfully, for tonight, I've made it past yet another day, with my kids eating somewhat decent foods and getting somewhat okay amounts of their daily needs. Of course, there's tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, Sunday...Oh brother!

Have a great day, and I'll see you soon!

Lately, I've been having my doubts as to my mothering abilities. I'm guessing this is pretty normal, and I shouldn't be worried about it. The other night I was watching Supernanny, or Nanny 911 or something, and something on it made me think I've been slacking off too much lately and I'm not doing a service to my children. At the same time, I was thinking, "Wow, it's gotten to the point where we have to spend more time worrying about a child's 'feelings' and how sensitive we are to their fragile self-esteems that we've gone almost beyond parenting and more toward pleasing them."

So I'm torn. I think about what I can remember of how I was raised, and I know for a fact that it was quite different than how I'm raising my kids. I fought the spanking thing, for one. I did give in and try it for a while, and found that it really didn't work for us here. I think time-out that's longer just works better, and he feels more motivation to avoid that than to get a few smacks on the butt. I decided to pass on the spanking when I gave him one one day and he just rolled back over and went back to what he was doing, as if I hadn't touched him. (For those of you who think I was probably doing it wrong, I promise you, I did it just like I remember getting them) I have to think, though, that a lot from my raising could be good for my kids. I mean, I turned out alright. Most of my issues have nothing to do w/how my mom raised me.

Then I think of even before that. Back in the old days, when people had twenty-seven kids so they could run the farm. I'm willing to bet that those moms didn't stress about making sure that each and every child got their own special one-on-one time each day, or that each word was building and not breaking their self-esteems. I'm guessing the biggest priority was to make sure that the kids were all fed, clothed, healthy, and working their little butts off, while using good manners. That goal seems simple enough (although more challenging some days that it seems!), and I think I could manage that.

Of course, it's not that simple anymore. There's the pressure to make sure your children are constantly learning. They can't watch too much television, or you'll rot their brains and they'll get ADHD. If you don't let them watch television, how will they learn their Spanish (surely not from me!), and about the world around them? They must be socialized well. They must know manners. Better make sure they know how to write computer programs by the time they're four, b/c that's an important skill in Kindergarten. Don't forget to get the housework done, too. Do make sure the kids get at LEAST an hour outside each day, and take them lots of places so they can experience the world they live in. They need your attention. LOTS AND LOTS of it. Make sure you always use your nicest language and build their self-esteems. Always tell them you love them. Each one needs special time with you each day, so they can know they're individually special to you. However, they need time to play together, too, it's good for their social skills. Make sure not to make one kid feel obligated to watch the other kid(s), b/c that kid will feel like you've pawned the kids off on him, and it will upset his fragile ego. You know, the list goes on, and I'm sure I've missed most of the stressors. I feel like this everyday, though, and now I'm getting worried b/c I've decided to have another kid and make it all even worse. I've decided to stop reading all of the books and magazines for a while, b/c it really does make you feel like you could never in your wildest dreams do enough to be a good mom. I'm thinking about moving out to a farm and starting over from there!

So, tell me, is this my hormones on overdrive, or is this something other people feel? I called my mom yesterday, and she said when she was raising us, she thought she was a damn good mom. I want to feel that way. I want to feel like I'm doing right by my kids, and they're not missing out on anything. Sometimes I feel like it's all so overwhelming that I just freeze up and end up getting nothing done!

Anyway, I guess that's enough for now. I hope you all have a great day, and I'll talk to you soon!

Night, night, Mommy...


(Good morning,) Ma-Ma...


Have a great day!