A year ago today, Ava Marie Cadeau was born, and unfortunately, was not able to continue on in this world with us. I still think about her everyday, and feel so much sadness for her parents. They are the most awesome people you will ever know of, and so deserving of a baby of their own. They are destined to be wonderful parents, and deep in my heart I hope that God will one day give them what they so desire. So please, take a moment to think of them all today, and if you're so inclined, pass a little prayer their way. I know that my life has been forever changed from knowing the three of them, and if you had the opportunity, yours would be, too.



It was a good Friday. Very busy, yet productive, and one which makes you think. I felt lucky to be able to have such a good Good Friday, considering it's not that way for everyone in the world. I'll spare you the details of our long day, but I will say that I am EXHAUSTED from it!

It hit me yesterday that today would have marked the one year anniversary of me getting fired from DJJ...Well, had I not called in on Good Friday last year. We were supposed to have it off, and then they changed it. I needed it off to get ready for TJ's birthday party, though, so I went ahead and took it. Had I gone to work, it would most certainly have ruined a wonderful weekend, so I'm glad I called out and went in Monday to get fired instead. To this day I still don't understand why I was fired, except that it was the end of my year probationary period, and they knew that they could do it w/o reason before it ended. Afterwards, I would have tenure, and it would take work to get rid of me. I had become a part of a group of rebels who fought against the wrongs, the MANY wrongs, going on at DJJ, and even fought for my students, who were sometimes railroaded for the sake of ease and not their educations. I don't think they wanted another rebel there, so they got rid of my while they could--on the very last day of my probation...Convenient, eh?

Needless to say, a better thing could not have happened to me. My life was changed a year ago next Monday. Before that, I was a working mom, who saw my son two days and two afternoons a week, while we sent him off for three to four days a week to his Nana's house to stay while we had to both work. A year ago, I watched a lot of tv, went to bed at a decent hour, slept through the night each night, ate most dinners alone and spent a lot of time alone, and brought work home on occasion to tinker with while I whiled away my spare time. Oh, and I spent a lot of time on the computer, especially playing on my blog and reading others'. I loved my son dearly, but saw him little. I felt I had to make our time worthwhile and make it up to him that I didn't get to see him enough, especially since he kinda had two moms, and I felt like I was competing with mom #2. Taryn was on her way, but she was just kind of a nuisance at the time, since I had to stand a lot during the day, and she made my back hurt like hell. At work, I used words like predicate and integer, and tried desperately to get my students to read books for joy (not just fake it to shut me up, while writing gang symbols in them), which never quite seemed to work. I used my lap for balancing IEP's on while I tried to put the information into the computer. I tested students to see if they were progressing to the next level in their educations, and modified their learning goals as such. I talked to the students about their problems with school and feelings. I spoke to adults, and we talked gossip, "Did you hear what Kathy said Latham was doing in her office today?" Overall, I thought my life wasn't perfect, but was doing alright.

Man, was I wrong! Today, I see my son, and daughter every single day, all day long, and I am the only mom that raises them. If they go away for a day or so w/their dad or grandparents, I miss them as though I haven't seen them in weeks. There is no such thing as a decent time to go to bed, since there are not enough hours in the day for any to be decent. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night, and my only alone time is usually spent in the last hour after the kids are in bed, as I try to keep my eyes open long enough to catch most of a show I once enjoyed when it actually came on (instead of when I can catch it on DVR). I work no less than 12 hours a day, and I never leave. When I do, you can rest assured I bring my work with me. Let's not even talk about days off...they don't exist. I have about ten minutes a day to catch up on as much as I can on the computer, which is usually not nearly enough, and even Trey yells at me now that I don't update my blog enough! Taryn is here now, and she's a pistol...she's EVERYWHERE! At work now, I use words like poo-poo and silly-willy turkey boy, and read to a boy everyday who begs for more b/c he genuinely loves to hear the stories and look at the pictures and talk about them, and I never even had to try with him. My lap is now used for balancing as many small children as will fit at any given moment (namely, whenever I make the mistake of sitting down for more than three seconds!), and I never realized just how very still IEP files were, and how they never pushed buttons on the computer that erased everything! I once tested students, and now, everyday, I am tested myself. I am constantly modifying and adapting my goals to fit the ever-changing minds of my small children. These days, I talk to toddlers about their problems too...mostly of which consist of where the boo-boo is and when would they like me to kiss it and if I need to keep holding them for comfort. I have lengthy conversations now, too. For instance, just today TJ and I were talking all about how the Doodlebops sing that one song, "Keep Trying," and how we have to keep trying when we can't get things to work right the first time. Oh, and Taryn love, love, loves to talk for hours about Da-da and dis and dat. Of course, there's still the gossip. Why, just the other day we were going on about how Dora was so silly to go down the path that was green, b/c red is TJ's favorite color. What was she thinking?!

So, I guess my life has changed, although not so much as you might think. However, I really have to believe that my life officially began about a year ago. Sure, I'm tired and worn out all day everyday now, and I won't say that I'm always thrilled about getting out of bed and greeting my more-than-happy to be awake children (and those that I watch), but I can't think of a better way to be. If it means I have to work a night job and watch three hundred kids for the rest of my life, so that I can work myself into an early grave from sheer exhaustion, then so be it. We are broke, too far from home, and tired, but I have the best husband and kids in the world, and I couldn't ask for anything more.