I knew I wasn't pregnant. I mean, don't get me wrong, the way I was feeling, I seriously thought it was possible, b/c that's exactly how I feel when I am (I've had a little practice at it!). Deep down, though, I knew I wasn't. I've also felt this way before when I had an ulcer. The first time it happened, mind you, I went to the doctor b/c I thought I was pregnant! I wasn't surprised when I got my prego test today and it came up negative, b/c I was expecting it to. I just wanted to allay any doubts I may have had. So, this is a good thing...

Right? I mean, yeah, I don't need to be pregnant right now. I'm not so sure I want to be, either. I wouldn't mind it in that I already have all the stuff, and I wouldn't have to get more. Then I could go ahead and have my third kid, and all would be right in the world and I could quit for good. Get rid of everything and know I wouldn't need it again (in case you haven't heard, I'm big on odd numbers, and three feels much better to me than two--Trey might argue that, but...). Plus, I could pick out names again (yeah, yeah, so I've been doing that already....and yeah, it was even before I started feeling sick!). However, it would not be a good thing right now, and surely God knows that. We are barely managing as it is at this point in time, and my first thought when I thought I might be prego was that this baby wouldn't get to go to the dr. every month like the other two. I'd just go every other time to save some money. That can't be good.

Oh, but I'd be remiss to say that I'm not a little bit sad. Sure, it's not like I didn't know what the test would say, I'd been saying so myself all day. My mom called this afternoon, though, while out shopping, and asked me if she needed to get me some maternity clothes while she was there. I have to admit that I got a little excited. Being pregnant is fun! What's even better is when they come out! Sure, we have our bad days, and sometimes I wonder if there aren't more bad than good, but oh, I love my babies! I'm a total mommy now, and I am goofy with sick love for them. Whereas before, I would have shunned anyone being so completely involved in the lives of their children, and having no life of their own, now I am one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I do try to have a life, but so far quite unsuccessfully, which is okay. If it were up to me, I'd have a gaggle of kids. I remember my mom saying she wanted twelve and stopped at two, quite thankfully. I wonder if she wanted to stop at two right after my brother was born, or when we became teenagers? You know, that could make a big difference. After all, I'm still in the honeymoon period with mine. I have no idea what is to come as they grow older, although people are always glad to forewarn me!

Oh, I dunno. This is definitely a good thing. Obviously, though, it shows that I am not done. Trey didn't seem so freaked out at the news of a possible pregnancy, so maybe that means that when the time comes, he'll be up for the challenge. I hope so, b/c otherwise he may just be a little peeved when I do tell him the good news when the time comes! Oh, and if you must know, if and when I do have a third, a boy would be named Braxton, and a girl would be named Jamison. Middle names are still up in the air!

Oh well, I guess this means I have to cut back on the caffiene again...Blah!

Have a great day! I'll see you soon!