Okay, so today was a BAD day. It seems now that my son not only can't make it to the bathroom in time to pee most of the time, but he also seems to think it quite funny, and actually peed on the floor today, in front of me, to piss me off, and gave an evil grin about the whole issue. (wow, what a run-on sentence!) I was not happy. It may not have been so bad, had it not been the fourth pair of soiled underwear and the third pee stain I had to clean up off of the floor already today (and it was only 1:30!). Did I clean it up, you ask? Oh hell no! I made his little devilish butt do it himself!

Nevertheless, though, that's not all. I'll just say that today was really bad. So bad that I called everyone I could think of, and finally gave up (not home, busy, etc.) and called Trey at work in a desperate moment to have someone help me regain what little sanity I had left before I did something I would regret. He suggested I take them to his mom's house to stay for the night. I'm not overly excited at the thought of them going there, but the idea was just too good to pass up. So, finally, tonight at 8:00, they climbed into Nana's car and off they went.

Now tell me this--Why is it that I should be elated and thrilled to have gotten rid of my kids for a day (I have tomorrow off!), but instead all I can think of is how much I miss them already and when they are coming back? I am so sad.

I'm wondering lately if I'm not the worst mom in the world. I have asked, and been told that I'm not, but I'm beginning to think people are just being nice. TJ has become more than I can handle, both mentally and physically. He was better when I first brought Taryn home, which makes me wonder if his behavior is b/c of her. I keep thinking that maybe now it is worse b/c she actually wants attention more and demands it. He keeps hitting her lately. Time out is not working, no matter how consistent I am with it. Nothing is. I'm going to admit something in total shame--I swatted him on the butt the other night, hard. I did it b/c I couldn't think of anything else to do, and he was being reprehensible. The worst part is that all he did was yell at me for hitting him! He was not at all phased, AT ALL. He has fits all day everyday, about nothing. He hits and throws things when he gets mad. He won't go to sleep for naps or for bed. He won't sit down to eat. He sucks. So do I. I just have the feeling I was too slack before, and now he just thinks I'm a joke. Yes, my mom was right. I was too afraid to hurt his feelings, and now look where I've ended up. I've become the screaming and mad mom that I dread. I want to be a stellar mom, but I'm not. It's not for lack of trying, and reading every possible child-rearing book, article, website, etc. I can find. I am a wealth of information when it comes to how to discipline a child. Does any of it work for me? No. I need Nanny Joe(SuperNanny) or Nanny Deb (Nanny 911) desperately. I even try all of their stuff, and they make it look so easy. It's not. I need support, a LOT of it. I know I need to spend more time with him each day, and that would help some (I stress the word SOME). I've made a schedule with playtime together scheduled in, but it's not enough, and I'm SO TIRED of doing these dumb little kid things. I keep trying to get together with people, and it never works. I can't do this anymore!!!!!!

Hi, I'm sorry for that. I needed to vent a lot. Maybe my free time tomorrow (getting the car fixed!) will give me the much needed break and let me clear my mind some and get refreshed and ready to tackle the babies again. We'll see. Until then, have a good day, and I'll talk to you later.