I usually like to keep my opinion to myself on controversial issues, but since you asked...

I think you can discipline effectively without spanking, but I never figured out how. I read lots of parenting books and learned all the techniques and reasons against spanking. When it came down to actually raising my child, somewhere around age 2 he decided that he was the one in charge. I'm all for giving choices and teaching him how to make right choices, but a two year old is only so reasonable and coherent. There are a lot of wrong ways to spank. Spanking does not necessarily have to go hand in hand with screaming, threatening, or humiliating. What I learned and try to follow through with is a way to do it compassionately, fairly, and in a way that helps them learn. Why couldn't I teach him without spanking? Because I could talk myself blue in the face and try time outs and or showing him the right thing to do over and over, but it never got through. When the child is blatantly defying you pick him up, tell him what he did wrong, bend him over and give him a swat on the behind. He will most likely cry and want to be held. Then you have their attention. Rock them, soothe them, don't yell or get angry. Say, "Mommy said XYZ, and you did not do that." When they are little they may not be able to acknowledge that, but as they are older than need to admit they made a wrong choice and try not to do wrong again. A lot of times I will say, "I love you and I care about you. It's my job to teach you how to do right." This is just my opinion, so please don't flame me on this: I think a spanking along with holding, comforting, and talking is less abusive than putting the child in his room alone to sit there and get angry and stew about it. Also, I wanted to point out that I've been doing this with A since he was 2 and I can't remember the last time I had to spank him. We can now usually talk about problems or conflicts. He is not scared of me. He feels comfortable asking me anything he needs to. He knows he will not be shamed by me or told that there is something wrong with him. A2, who is 3 still gets spankings. I don't detect bitterness of any kind. When she does something she isn't supposed to and I correct her with a spanking she is genuinely remorseful, and I see it as an opportunity for growth. We are their parents and we know so much more than them. I see it as our responsibility to teach them right and wrong so that when they are older we can let them go with some sense of confidence. I believe it can be done without corporal punishment, but it is less effective. Just my opinion based on reading and personal experience. Feel free to ask me questions or tell me why you think I'm wrong, lol. (Just don't yell at me.)

Hi Christi
Great topic for discussion. I formulated my response in my own blog too...but here it is:

I am a firm believer that spanking is NOT a necessary form of discipline or punishment for a child.

I could never advocate or encourage any form of discipline that requires physical force, as I believe there are more effective forms of discipline.

That being said, I understand that spanking your child is a choice many parents choose, and I think the critical issue here isn’t whether corporal punishment is a widely preferred form of disciple in many countries around world; but rather HOW corporal punishment is administered.

Although I do not endorse or believe in spanking, I do acknowledge that it is a choice. Spanking shouldn’t be a form of humiliation or embarrassment. If one chooses to spank, I think the following rules should apply to ensure love and understanding are a continually being fostered within your child.

1. Spanking should never be administered on a whim or impulse when the parent is angry. Motivations for any form of discipline should be out of love for the purpose of teaching and correction, never for revenge or to inflict pain.

2. If spanking as a form of discipline is ineffective, other appropriate responses need to be identified to correct the behaviour. Parents should never increase the intensity of a spanking or try to measure the intensity of the spanking based on the child’s wrong doing.

3.Spanking should never cause bruising or cause physical injury.

4. Spanking should always be a planned action (not an angry reaction). The spanking should never cause humiliation or belittlement of the child (i.e. not administered in public).

5. Before punishment, calmly review the offence with the child and the desired behaviour or outcome to reinforce understanding.

6. The rules of the home need to be made clear. Punishment should not be given if none of these rules were broken. It is not fair to punish a child for something they did not know was wrong.

There have been some interesting discussions around spanking and its use in the bible. The phrase “spare the rod and spoil the child” as a form of corporal punishment is strongly recommended in the Old Testament. Most bible quotations that advocate spanking appear in the book or Proverbs.

Most religious conservative believe that the book of Proverbs was assembled by King Solomon and the passages that deal with spanking are thought to reflect his parenting beliefs around his son, Rehoboam. The bible itself records the negative effect that Solomon’s parenting style had on his son. When his son became ruler after his death, he was widely hated and even had run away to Jerusalem to avoid being assassinated by his own people.

What I understand from the bibles message is that if you don’t want your children to grow up like Rehoboam, then you should NOT follow Solomon’s parenting style as it was depicted in the bible.

Others would argue, I’m sure, that Solomon’s parenting recommendations reflect God’s expectations, and therefore, using spanking as a form of disciple in acceptable.

To each their own, I’m just trying to provide both sides of the King Solomon story.

Not everyone will take the same approach to parenting, and that is ok, because what works for one won’t work for everyone. Most of us are well intentioned humans, and I’m sure no matter what form of discipline you choose, as long as you have the best of intentions, your motivations are pure, and it works for you and your child without physical harm involved, then you have succeeded at one of the most difficult jobs a human can have (which I am very much looking forward to), and that is to raise child.

So, Christi, am I one of the ones you expected one answer from and got another?

It's simple... You hit a child, you teach them to hit. End of story.

Good for you Christi.

That last post was made by me, Kirstin, btw! heh. :)
http://www.slackeruncensored.com

Oh, I love Colin's wife even more now!