Monday, August 22, 2005
It's just more than I could have ever imagined
I'll never understand it. I remember when I was in high school, I thought of children as viruses. I never wanted any, and I wanted to be a "career woman". I didn't want to get married, just date a lot, and I wanted to move far away from home, preferrably to California or something. I wrote a persuasive essay for my English class on why I was agnostic. Boy, am I a different person now!

Now, you see my life and wonder what happened to that girl. I am married, to a wonderful man whom I wouldn't give up for the world. I have two PERFECT children that I thank God everyday for, and I'm not against having another one (although I'm alone in that feeling...). I've moved as far away as Lancaster (2 1/2 hours from home), and now live in Columbia, an hour and a half away from home. All I want is to be able to go back home and be near my mom and all my friends from high school. My career is now raising my children (which, to me, makes me a total "career woman", but probably not what you would think if you heard the phrase), and have no want to go back to an official job where I actually earn pay. One of my favorite parts of the week is going to church, where I feel totally fulfilled and start my week of great, and the best part of my life is the fact that I've found God and love Him. Who am I? Where did that girl from 11 years ago go?

I still feel like her (well, my body's much bigger, but...). I have the same strange personality and warped sense of humor. If you saw a picture of me, you would recognize her as me as a younger person. What happened?

I remember that all I could think about when I was sixteen was moving out and being a grown-up. I even had a friend who was 19 or so that I asked to marry me so I could move out and live with him! It was all I wanted to do was to be a grown-up and take care of myself. Boy, if I had only known! I don't think I would have ever left the house, for fear that my mom would make me move out! I do miss the old days, where I ran from here to there, had my fun, and the biggest stress in my life was making sure I had my homework done for Math class! I had a TON of friends, that I considered so important. Now, I'm down to just a few special friends that I want to keep for life, and feel like I probably will. So different.

When I met Trey, I was so deluded. I didn't believe there was a thing such as love, and I knew I was never going to find someone that I could spend my life with. Then, there in the bar on my 21st birthday, while in a drunken stupor, I was proven wrong. I saw him, and as drunk as I was, it was love at first sight! I felt it, and it must have been true, b/c it's still true to this day. He must have felt something, too, since I practically molested him the first night I met him, and I'm sure our adventure together was the strangest time he'd ever had (long story). Yet, he took me to the movies with him and his friend the next night, and we talked the ENTIRE night, until seven the next morning. Admittedly, we can't manage to find that much to talk about for that long anymore, but I still love to hear anything he has to tell me, and ask him everyday about how his day went b/c I am honestly interested to hear. Sometimes I even get mad when he doesn't tell me anything! I foresee many, many more years of my asking him how his day went (although he says he plans to cheat on my on our fifth wedding anniversary!).

Oh, and the kids. The kids. I was so resolute that I was not going there. Now look at me! They are the center of my world, my being. God has blessed me with the most precious wonderful small people that ever walked the earth! I can think of nothing better than to wake up and see their smiling faces every single morning, even though I hate waking up, and spend countless hours learning about the wonders of life from them. As challenging as it is to keep up with the two of them everyday, I could think of nothing better than to have more, b/c they are so funny, cute, interesting, fascinating, everything! How lucky I am!

I wish I had figured it out sooner, but I'm actually quite glad that it took almost losing my mind (literally) over my house and situation for me to find God. I mean, I think it's brought me that much closer, and shown me just how important He really is in my life. Not to mention, it's made His everyday miracles seem so much larger to me, and so much more noticeable. So cool!

Even here, in my much older age, I've discovered the greatness of family. I'll admit, all of my family members do something that gets on my everlasting nerves, and surely I complain too much about it. However, they are all so wonderful, and I've come to realize just how blessed I am to have so many people that love me like they do. It's the same with my friends. The friends I have, I have had forever it seems, and they are people I can call true friends, and people that I know honestly and truly care about me and that I can trust to be there for me. It's awesome!

I don't remember being upset or depressed or melancholy in high school. I remember being a happy and fun girl. Man, I can't imagine how I was, though! I mean, look at me now. Sure, we have our share of holes to climb out of now, but I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my life (sure, it takes some drugs to get there, but...it's genuine, I swear!). How on earth could I have been a happy person back then, when I was the exact opposite of who I am now? It surely gives me a new view of teenagers, and I kinda watch them and laugh now, knowing that just a few years from now how much different they'll be! I was happy then, I'm even happier now. Gosh, just imagine how much I'll change in the next ten years...and how much happier I'll be! I can't wait!

I hope you have a magnificent day, and I'll talk to you later!
 
posted by Christi at 12:13 AM | Permalink |


9 Comments:


  • At 7:14 AM, Blogger Julia

    I can relate to that totally. Yes, you have changed a lot, but you have the same fun, generous personality.

     
  • At 7:50 AM, Blogger Karla

    What a wonderful post Christi. You may be a different person than who you were a few years back, but you've definetly grown into a person who you can be truly proud of. You're sincere and genuine and have a bubbly and fun personality that all of here out in blog land can't get enough of!

    Your family and friends are blessed to have someone like you in their life.

    :)

     
  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Anvilcloud

    I am glad that you posted all of this background about yourself. Although our basic personalities remain pretty constant, our views, priorities, likes and dislikes are constantly under revision. It's hard to predict what we'll value in future, and it keeps life interesting to be this way.

     
  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger Tammy

    Christi, that was a great post. I think we all think like this at one point or another.
    I have never met you in person but I can say that you are a great person in the blog world and I am happy to have come across you and your family is very lucky to have you in their lives.

     
  • At 8:15 PM, Blogger karla

    Who is that "Karla" impersonator above? I'm a victim of identity theft!

    You are a lucky girl. Isn't it funny how much our lives change from what we predicted them to be in high school? I am just like you--never wanted kids, didn't believe in marriage. Now I'm happily married and have a kid I adore. It's nice to be wrong sometimes.

     
  • At 7:06 AM, Blogger gina

    life is SWEEEEET!! you DO have a cool family!

     
  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger Renee

    Awesome post Christi!:-)

     
  • At 2:31 PM, Blogger hgdyhdyrd

    You've definitely become an amazing beautiful mother of two GORGEOUS children. You do have a "career" raising kids is an encredibly hard job and mothers don't get the respect that they deserve.

     
  • At 3:46 PM, Blogger Tammy

    Hey Christi, I got your package today. Thank you so much. It made our day.