This morning, on my paper route, I wasn't paying attention, and I ran into one of the drainage things that I have to be careful to avoid everyday. Guess what? My tire didn't pop! Know why? That's right, b/c I now have road hazard!

I'm in a quandry lately. I'm torn b/t thinking I have either ADHD, depression, or am bipolar. When I look up the symptoms of each, they all fit. What I'm sure of is that I need to figure out what my problem is, b/c I'm having a hard time just getting by anymore. It's not cool. I want to excel, but as of now I'm just barely making it through each day, much less getting much done. I know people can have their good and bad days, but most of mine are bad lately. Then, on my good days, I wear myself out so much trying to get as much as I can done that the next day I'm even more worthless! I know I can attribute some of it to lack of sleep and the kids and all, but I think it's more. I've been taking anti-depressants, but I don't think they're working. Not only am irritable most days, but I've been having not nice thoughts about death of late. Like, why on earth would I want to die? I have everything going for me, and while life isn't perfect, it's much, much better now than is has been in the recent past. Plus, I just can't get my act together. I want desperately to homeschool my children, which I know I am capable of. I could do a wonderful job and my children would be well-taught. However, even when I put my whole mind to it, I just can't focus enough to make out a plan and do it. I don't want to be forced to send them to school just b/c I can't think!

Oh, I don't know. If I could focus enough, I'd get off my ass and call a damn doctor and figure it out. Maybe I'll do that now. It's not that I haven't tried. Everytime I've tried to call and set up an appointment, the office has been closed! Yeah, wouldn't ya know it!