Thursday, July 12, 2007
Wouldn't ya know it!
This morning, on my paper route, I wasn't paying attention, and I ran into one of the drainage things that I have to be careful to avoid everyday. Guess what? My tire didn't pop! Know why? That's right, b/c I now have road hazard!

I'm in a quandry lately. I'm torn b/t thinking I have either ADHD, depression, or am bipolar. When I look up the symptoms of each, they all fit. What I'm sure of is that I need to figure out what my problem is, b/c I'm having a hard time just getting by anymore. It's not cool. I want to excel, but as of now I'm just barely making it through each day, much less getting much done. I know people can have their good and bad days, but most of mine are bad lately. Then, on my good days, I wear myself out so much trying to get as much as I can done that the next day I'm even more worthless! I know I can attribute some of it to lack of sleep and the kids and all, but I think it's more. I've been taking anti-depressants, but I don't think they're working. Not only am irritable most days, but I've been having not nice thoughts about death of late. Like, why on earth would I want to die? I have everything going for me, and while life isn't perfect, it's much, much better now than is has been in the recent past. Plus, I just can't get my act together. I want desperately to homeschool my children, which I know I am capable of. I could do a wonderful job and my children would be well-taught. However, even when I put my whole mind to it, I just can't focus enough to make out a plan and do it. I don't want to be forced to send them to school just b/c I can't think!

Oh, I don't know. If I could focus enough, I'd get off my ass and call a damn doctor and figure it out. Maybe I'll do that now. It's not that I haven't tried. Everytime I've tried to call and set up an appointment, the office has been closed! Yeah, wouldn't ya know it!
posted by Christi at 11:12 AM | Permalink |


  • At 2:37 PM, Blogger Julia

    We haven't talked in a couple days and nobody is answering your phone. Call me!

  • At 4:24 PM, Anonymous Jillian

    Welll, probably not ADHD, probably more like Bi-Polar disorder. IF you ever can't sleep for periods and then sleep forever.... and are all happy go freaking lucky for a few days... cleaning everything in sight, and then all of a sudden, fuck cleaning, I'm going back to bed... yeah.... might want to try a different AD medication, an SSRI with a xanax kicker perhaps. Start with something weaker like Lexapro with some xanax. If that works, thenrock on. If not, then you'll have to try something else. You may end up trying 4 or 5 before you find one that you like and can live with. Hope everything gets better. I know lots about this though, I just don't take my drugs. :-)

  • At 10:27 PM, Blogger H

    It's confusing when you know your life is good, but you still feel bad. I hope you have someone/many people you can talk to. You look so joyful in your picture, I hope you feel better soon.

  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger k8

    well that sux! i'm a horrible friend for not keeping up w whats going on over here. i would love to talk at sometime when neither of us has screaming kids in the background, which may be in about 18 years or so. are you still im-ing? if so email me.