I cried today at work. I had to leave my room and go sit in the bathroom for a while. I was very upset. My boss, the head of special ed., dropped by. She came into my classroom, in front of my students, and proceeded to tell me that I suck at my job, and that if I don't get my act together I'm going to fail ADEPT (which I have to pass to get fully certified to teach), b/c she's in charge of it. I tried to explain to her that my mistakes are happening b/c no one ever sat me down and told me what to do, I have NO time (I have NO planning period, and I have to go home sometime), and everyday something new is thrown at me. The reason she came was b/c of a special review meeting I had last week, which she knew nothing about (and wasn't supposed to), to find out what had happened. I was one day late turning it in, and I had forgotten to move him up a grade when he went to 10th grade (which I did not know I was supposed to do, but seemed logical once she had pointed it out!). She reamed me out in front of my students (thankfully the best students I have, and only two of them), and it was all I could do to not cry right then and there. The worst part, though, is that again (this is not the first time she's done this), she tried to point out that she had small children when she was teaching, too, and that she understands that it's hard. I have NEVER told her, or given the impression that my child has any effect on my work. It makes me very sad to send him away during the week, but the fact is I do, and that gives me more time to devote to my job. I stay late almost every single day, and then I bring work home. She was careful to point out that she's never known a teacher who doesn't bring work home, to which I replied, "I do, too, every night, and on weekends." I am so devoted to doing a good job for her and all these other people who don't care, and are just looking to catch me making a mistake, that I have jeopardized my marriage. Yes, I have never brought home to work, but I bring all of my work problems home, and have neglected my husband and child for them. This is making me cry. This woman has not once ever told me a damn thing about ever doing anything right. She shows up when she's in a rampage mood and tears everyone new assholes, then goes right back to her cozy little office! For some stupid reason I have ruined my life for this place, and for what? So I can get chewed out publicly when I make a mistake. The last time she did this to me she tried to use TJ, too. She said, "Christi, what if this were TJ? How would you feel if you knew that his teacher was not getting all of her paperwork done correctly and on time?" It was all I could do not to punch her right then! Paperwork on time! I would be absolutely thrilled! The thought that my child's education and his welfare came before her getting the paperwork in on time would touch my heart. I would feel her pain, knowing that she was probably way overloaded with paperwork and other crap that they expect special ed. teachers to do, on top of teaching, and I would want to help, not criticize, her. I would love her, knowing that her priorities are in the right place. That making sure my child is getting what he needs first is much more important than making sure the IEP is copied and turned in on time with all of the right numbers and words on it. I hate her. I really do. I will keep praying to God that he helps me to find a new job, soon, so I can be done with that place. I have no problem with the students taking out their anger and whatever else on me, but I will not stand for a mean lady who has personal problems, who's supposed to be leading me to victory, trying to make me feel like a small and stupid person. I will go bankrupt before I continue to go back to a place like that and put up with that kind of treatment. Sadly, it's not just her that makes me feel small. There are so many bad things there.

Do you know what the worst part of it was? I felt so bad for my kids that they had to see that, and that they had to be uncomfortable in my classroom. Then, later in the day, a student who saw me in the hallway right after it happened, came to me and asked me if I was okay. It really upset me that he had to see me like that and that he was worried. I almost cried again, though, b/c it was so sweet that he cared enough to worry about me! I am so blessed!

I'll see you Monday, we're going to the mountains this weekend. Wish us luck, we really want to see the leaves change, or something like that.