I had a feeling when I posted that last post telling you I was working at Carrabba's that I should hold off. I wasn't sure why at the time, but I just thought I should. It's probably b/c deep down somewhere, somewhere I didn't even know about, I knew I was going to quit the next day. Why, you ask? Well, for the same reason as the last job. I gave them my availability at Carrabba's, and they said it would be no problem. Then, not one single day that week did they stick to it. I spent the entire week scrambling around trying to find people to watch the kids, even calling in good ol' Gayle to come for a couple days. I was going to try to stick it out until I told them that under no circumstances could I work on Saturday b/c I had prior engagements (an Easter Egg Hunt and Alison's birthday party, both of which were very important to me), and that I could only work at night on Sunday b/c of church. I was told that was fine. Then I came in Thursday night and was told that I would in fact have to come in at 2 on Saturday (there is an employee mtg. every Sat. at 2, which would NOT work out as that is Trey's mid day, and I'd have to find a babysitter for almost 10 hours), and that I had to be in at 2 on Sunday, too (which would have left me about an hour to get home from church and get the kids redressed and to be watched, and then to get myself ready). So yes, in the short-run, I quit my job to insure the sanctity of Easter with my children basically, which was very much more important to me than my job. As was Alison's birthday party, which I had been talking up all week for TJ and Taryn (and was honestly looking very forward to myself). In the long-run, I quit my job b/c I foresaw more problems of this nature with scheduling, and honestly, the money wasn't that good. I figured I'd probably be working just to pay for babysitting, and what's the point of that!

So now I'm back where I started. I went back to Pizza Hut b/c they have always worked with me and I make pretty decent money. Plus, right now they need drivers pretty badly, so that might mean I make a bit more due to the shortage! I also finally just decided to go ahead and take on a paper route. I have the one I've subbed for a lot, and it's really easy and quick. It takes me from 2-3 hours round trip each night, which I can totally handle. I'm not overly keen on the 7 days a week thing, but if I need time off, there are plenty of people who will gladly sub for me, so that's good.

What sucks is that this all makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I mean, deep down I know I did the right thing. My kids will only be little once, and I want to be the one raising them, not whomever I can pawn them off on while I am away at work. I don't feel bad about that. What upsets me is that I feel like a total failure. Here I had two good jobs, and quit them both before I even had a chance to prove that I could handle them. Sure, I'm not worried about whether people thought I just couldn't handle it and that's why I quit. I know I could, and I had already shown at both that I would have been good at them. To be honest, I can't really explain why I feel so bad about it. I just do. The last few days I've been depressed about it all. I actually like working at Pizza Hut, but at the same time, I feel like such a loser to have quit and go back. It's not like it doesn't happen all the time, and they've all been quite nice and welcoming to me. I didn't even get ragged on yesterday when I went in, which I totally expected and kinda looked forward to. Oh, I just don't know. I just know I feel like total crap about my whole job situation right now, like I've let people down. I kinda think Trey was looking forward to me working at Carrabba's. I really can't put my feelings into words, but if someone else could, I'd love to hear it!